He Who Makes A Beast Of Himself, Gets Rid Of The Pain Of Being A Man!

When They Say Its Time, Then Its Time!

2008-12-25T14:58:00.001+08:00

hello there Q! how u doin? very much affected? oh well i know your not doin much cors you're just it. For these few enties all i blab about was just how long have i not continue bloging. even my english grammer has gone all the way down. Then let this entry be a short time jus for the sake of taking shity things out my cheast that has long been stuck in my chest.

Life has been so fast pace lately. Can't get time for my self. The only time i have is only with u Q! Wow That sound so fetish. Gotta make full use out of ya. By the way Q is a laptop i bought for nearly 1 month of my untouched salary. I call it Qa'ilah, 'one that speaks'. Enough about Q. Lets talk about something else.

Ok, back to my boring life. Everyday is somewhat the same rutine. Just that it covers the same senarios with a little bit of fucked up people sometimes. Yes, thats' including me of cors. I know i'm a little fucked up sometimes. They called it alpha male 'EGO". We do have it, just need to let it show at the most right moments. Well every morning i wake up with this feeling that better things won't be comming my way if i dont act soon. Act what....?!? Find what I'm really interested in. Here are two things i'm yet to achieved. 1st - a commuting vehicle as a purpose of transportation. 2nd - get M.O.L to play local gigs so as to get the local experience before we label ourself as a local under ground BAND that fuckin rocks. Doesn't matter if our musics sucks. 3rd - Fly. And i mean really fly. Skydive. 4th - still able to sustain that monthly income as years gone by to pull myself through the financially tough time HERE in THE LION CITY. Oh wait did i say two, i mean hundred & one things i've yet to achieve. But still life is definetly a job because without working we ain't got money, without money we cannot achieve what we want to do. It'll always comes back to that dollar sign. Some times I just feel so used. At the end of the day used up my time and mind that i seldome have time to even plan my days ahead in order to be on track with the fast changing world. Always get stucked somewhere along the way. No wonder.

As you probably know, i just achieve my riding license a few months back. But yet to get a commuting bike as means of transport. Then again, somethings are much more important too such as housing payments need to top up, daily expenses, monthly contributions, personal needs, personal life savings..... bla bla bla..... and the list goes on. If not i could've had a bike which i trade to get myself a laptop 1st. Even so i didnt get to use it that much till as of now which time i'm free. And guess what ........ virus starting to circulate again & again.

Money... money money..... every day is all about money. Even when we go out or stay at home still uses money. Just that how we use it what i think is important. It seams that I somehow uses money like breathing air around me. Half of what ever I earn goes to my stomach & the rest goes seperately to which ever contribution that I wish to give. Even now I used up my money on my own entertainment. Please...!! Not personal pleasure.... just something i think is positive. For some reason or so I hope it fills me with something in life creative lesson.

Ok crap... crap... crap.... lets talk about some thing else. Lately I've been thinking about exploring. I mean you know going out experiencing life at it is. Like travelling out of the country, seeing the world, doing thing you didn't think of doing. Example like bungee, skydiving, seeing other culture in other country. Yup thought of doing all that. Ok let set a date. You know they talk about it, went on it & came back with stories so motivating. I do think i wanna join in. Make a first step to a brand new day. First step to feel free for a moment. Its not everyday we get to do all these things. But just dont talk about it. Live it. I think it almost time for me to live life. Face the fear of fear itself. WE control freedom. WE also must control fear. *sigh* Fear to me is a big word to face. So its a start. WE Q i think its time for me tell you that a change of environment it needed to a more discovery of myself. Leave you with the stories. They are better read than told.

Official ”Slacker Day“ [NDS BLOGGING]

2008-06-28T19:32:00.000+08:00

Waah! Today was not what I had expected. Yesterday came home late. Felt dizzy upon reaching the front door cause i had not enough sleep. Felt tired after a long day of werk. And a whole lot of laughing & too much imagining. Had quite a long laugh and conversation with the wytes. Never had we hang out like that for quite sometime. Talking about banglas, camels & apek. Happy meeting the people again after like so long.
Due to sleeping like 3hrs & 30mins, now i'm getting dizzy sleepyness. Felt my eyes shuting down but my hands moving anymin.
Now i'm so need to sleep

NDS BLOGGING ROUND 1 [testing]

2008-06-24T20:28:00.000+08:00

Greetings every one! Today`s the 1st time i'll be using nds to blog!! They say its impossible but nothing's impossible!! You only need wireless connection. Thanks to my sis, its gona be quite a blogging day ahead. **HUNT FOR [FREE] WIRELESS NETWORK**

i'm so not me....

2008-06-01T14:42:00.006+08:00

the only day i have to get back on track is only week ends.... but seems like there's only one day off weekends... thats sunday... monday,tuesday,wednesday,thursday,friday,friday,sunday..... evenso some poeple get their day off on sat n sun and still get to get home in time for dinner. seems like this is part n parcl=e of working life. evenso theres no reason to complain, seen others never get to come back home to see family as they're work timminigs are round the clock. but they're bring in big bucks home. my work load right now has nothing to do with my interest nor educational linings. its a whole new beginnigns which i have to crash a lot to ever thinking of keeping up. neither knowledge nor experience. rookie but initiative to get back on track with the others. they have the experience and knowledge & ego to boast about their needs. i just have my patience & self needds to attend to. having said that... i 'll try to excell in any way possible for my needs to achieve..... hate to be worked up about little things. but these little things will then turn to bigger problems if kept for too long. damn it!!

the more the less

2008-04-21T02:04:00.003+08:00

so far so good. aint got nothing to complain about. everyday feeling slugish, sleepy, lazy. over all slacking. work life currenty is much more challenging though. thought of bailing out after i've gotten mycert my now got stuck with a huge responsibility. dealing with hypocrit is never easy when ur in the middle of it all. dont want to be in that spot again but their words are sharp as needle. u dont even realise it untill its been pulled out. some people... they are just bold enough to say they've the reason its been running. even so then go off lor if ur not happy. i'm staying to extract money from them... after i'm satisfied enough i'll take off like rockets..... but 1st i must get what i wanted for so long . currently working on it. once got it... i'm open to proceed to the end zone. after i have sucked extensive fund from them. then i can trade for either my interest or invest it in i small side biznez. furthure more people have to move on in thire lives.... like for me now... i'm trying to move on to take another step into adulthood. good bye childhood... goood by teen years.... now to act & become an adult... taking responsibility.... eeerrrr hate thats now... but lan lan to grow up need to experience and turn it positive. if not start now then when? bla bla bla infomality of blog means i'm currently sleep typing.

will return soon

2008-04-12T22:07:00.002+08:00

i will blog again soon... i need to blog... cant help but this thoughts in my head..... wil return bloging..... must blog.... my head too tight**

THE near death experience...

2008-02-27T00:32:00.006+08:00

On monday i went to worf as usual. the starting odf the week was not what i expexct to do. the day was not really on my sde. i had to teach a new college on the basic work . but that day was so hectic i nearly ate my own shorts for lunch. so the day went suckingly fine. even time does play a part that day. bo chap.... waste time. and so as my moral. what i didnt know was i was about to encounter a split sec decision there i was walking down hong lim park right across the street, then came this merc white taxi speeding past me as thought the green light was on his favor, nearly crush my foot. thank goodness for the safety boots. second was at a junction of central. the lights turn red, before i started to walk, i look at the oncoming veh, all was about to stop when this car juz speed of nearly hit a pedestrian.lucky lyy he was not hurt, not only that he dont even know he was nealry run over by a ignorent driver. u was stun. could it be me lying there on the road if it wasnt for my instinct.

bart men weeturrns!!!

2008-02-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

FEBRUARY 9TH, 2008....... THE DAY I STARTED TO STARE BACK TO REALITY...... HOPING TO RETURN WITH SOMETHING IN MY HAND. LET THY SELF BE. I WILL FREE FALL MY WAY THROUGH!!! NO MORE REGRETS.... NO MORE TEAR... NO MORE STARING BACK.... AS PAIN IS TEMPORARY... SCARS WILL FEEL ME..... MEMORIES WILL ACCOMPANY ME AHEAD. THEY WILL LOOK IN SILENCE AS WE WALK OUR WAY THROUGH THOSE NARROW ARROWED HALLWAY.

Greedy...

2008-01-17T00:49:00.000+08:00

There are so many things i want do accomplish right now in short time ... but financially and... time plays such an important role in my goal. very hard to make decision now adays... too greedy may be the fact that i've always want everything at the same time. now is day by day stepby step. bit by bit. i must accomplish my goal.

i cried...

2007-12-15T23:03:00.000+08:00

So yesterday was the day i broke down. Dont know why i felt so offended. Seems like i've not been heard. Even if i let myself be heard not anyone listens. No one will. None. Who would be is now not anymore. When will it be, i dont know. Now that things have change, even i myself dont listens to what i have to say. Everythings seems so occupied. Its like as sun rises, there was this and that. Then when i look at the time, its just started spinning so fast. Dont even get the moment to spare a thought. Eh its already december. A year has gone. Yet it feels like a week. A week feels like a day. Sleeping hour was so short. Not even sleeping properly. Eating junks. Eating the same food everyday. Doing the same things makes it a boring life. But when is it time for a change...... waiting for the star to fall??

time

2007-11-27T21:48:00.001+08:00

Time really plays a part in life. When you wait for time, it'll be so damn slow that even 1 sec seems like an hour. Sitting there spending minutes/seconds waiting for the next thing to happen. May be then it'll be the best time to reflect on "those" times. Burning time.But what if you occupy your your time to doing something to receive. Yes better than burning time. But to much will also occupy your time to not doing your responsibility. Even if it seems just a simple task.Finally I realise how hard it is to juggle time with family, work, studies, social, interest & current events. Sometimes I cant get the time to commit to one. So this is working life.

till now....

2007-09-18T21:51:00.000+08:00

Its hard if there not a free time for myself..... taking this opppturnity to say that i need a life! Workin all day long may gain you somethings, but have the time of your life spending with your love ones is priceless.

my vision....

2007-08-30T21:30:00.000+08:00

"I see you everyday of the week, even when you don't really see me. I long to hear the sound of your tone whispering in my ear. The day will come when I'll have the moment to make you, all mine. For what the price I have to pay to have you, means nothing but earnings. The time spend with you will make my heart feel at easy. You will I keep as perfect as I've kept my mind for your beauty. It'll hurt me when you fall, break me when you won't acknowledge. But I'll understand when we're used up. Break is needed time to time. Then is when I'll see you lying there resting, near to me." "None will I give the oppotunity for them to hold you... None will I said 'YES' that easily... Even if it takes me to hide you from them... They'll never understand what it takes to want you, have you, be with you... You're my priceless... precious... my vision......"

aint got nothing..

2007-08-26T20:47:00.000+08:00

nothing is getting out.... dont know y but yeah... life's light at the moment. dont no when's it gonna last.... looking forward to something but dono if its the right choice... guess i just have to wait and see it myself. i hate starting on the unintended foot. its just really unplanned.

AT LLAST...... SOMTHIN TO FILL MINE.....

2007-08-10T21:38:00.000+08:00

All u need to know is all in the tittle.

Blues

2007-07-09T02:50:00.000+08:00

Feeling all the blues..... trying but seems not enough. Have to try harder though. Its never enough. Its a start!

i dont know................

2007-07-03T20:04:00.000+08:00

somewhere out there a suitable job is waiting for me. but sadly i'm just too lazy to even want to look for it. i think i'm getting myself outcast from the world. it seems calm here but still the presence just uncomfortable. still have this have this heat in my chest. it sometimes burns but i just cant do anything but feel it burn. maybe its just me. i dont want it to be like this but its happen. some times i just wanna tear cors i'm under this. could see that my childhood days wasnt like any of urs. mine was stale. unappreciated by some. some see me as a good well behaved boy then. but i dont think i'll turned out to be a well developed man. i may smile but its all fake. all i wanted to be was a part. but its still not that enough to be one. having no one to share it with, i think i know now where its going..... i reject cors i know i'm not ready... but i waisted my time then when i'm me. say thins cors u dont understand me. i dont either. i'm lost, not looking forward not even moving back. just there playing marbles on my own. thats y even if u knew waht or who i am it does make any matter.... u just dont know me. i dont know why i'm putting this down, but i just letting my fingers play with this keyboard. just like talking crap with out any topic or agenda. i could say the wrong things which i donnot really meant though. then so read it, what do i care now. i'm in this position whether i want it or not. u r not in my boots so what do u know. it's bee that long yes, since...... my last entry i poured out what on my mind. damn im feeling so emo right now. the list time i fell like this i was abusing anti-biotics, flu, ciggeretes...... things i did was just awfullly not right for me. since then i just hated my anti-social life..... getting turn down was like fuck. now i think living for me is my priority but this i life i live now still has its downs... even when i've waisted a whole 2 yrs serving them. i'm just watching people live their life to the fullest but i'm here burnng seconds..... what does it takes to be out there??? i sometime regret what i've done but thats tooooooo fucking late right.... so whats to cry about... for fuck. even when there's people to motivate me.... i just let them down... dont waste ur time. its just not worth it. as i reach out my hands... in totall darkness i'm not aware what i'm reaching out for. i cant see a thing. nor could i feell any. hoping to find my way out of this confine blackspot. or should i just lay there and wait. what if i took the wrong step and enter a deeper darkness. y try... y not to try... am i lost. even so i'm not even trying. such negativeness. its me. thats y ur not in it.

yesterday/today/tomorrow.... burning day light....

2007-06-21T16:30:00.000+08:00

Getting sick and tired of staying at home. Doin nothing. But ended up having to do this assignment and that assignment. All i did was watching movies and series again and again........ getting sick and tired of slacking at home with no money to go out. Still waiting fer July to come by. At least get some cash. But until now still no reply or call from any company wanted my service. Guess i have to go out an look fer it myself lah. still think what to do with my life. If i wanna go back to study, it would take at least 6month to 2 years max. But still attaining back my long lost Higher Nitec cert. Dont think i could make it or survive it this time. The standard are higher this tyme. But if i could go fer part time i might as well get a day job to cover up my expenses. Looking fer one to suite my skills or just any other day job. Well i guess its tyme fer me to LOOOOk fer one... and i mean not from an agent or any hr consultant company. They blu my opportunity fer me to sign my nearly stable job. BIG *sigh Its all about money now a daze.....

something not me

2007-06-20T15:57:00.000+08:00

wow i just play chords on a piano!!!!!!

the search is on.....

2007-06-14T15:04:00.000+08:00

Endless search but there's not really a job that i would have my time, abillity, skill, interest to put into. Some say just take up what ever jobs as long as your accounts are filled. It would take a month before a pay is recieved. Its a matter of time for my accounts to dry up before i get to fill them.

2nd?3rd?4th?5th?party.

2007-06-11T00:40:00.000+08:00

Have u ever want to commit to a certain things in life but found out after a certain duration got rejected becouse of a 3rd party...? Having ownership over is not an easy task but being rejected a few times. Its quite frustrating. More or less I'm not giving up. Even if it takes me to sacrifice my time. It seems like the party's learning every single things to out done/out run. Wise enough to attract & show. Even have the courage to be infront. It may have gotten to others skin but not to others strategy. I have one but dont let me lay it in front. YOU'LL NOT WANT ME TO BE MESS WITH... TRY ME!

Looks so different,

2007-05-31T18:08:00.000+08:00

So today's a holiday, went to send order packet snacks to cafe somewhere in bedok. It was a really a long time since I've been to the town where i grew up for my 1st 13 years. It was a rewarding trip, kinda. Met some familliar faces. They really do look a bit diffferent but still the same people. A few of them I did talk to but some are just becoming strangers. Good to know they still live around the old neighbourhood. Ate lunch at Bedok corner. Nice place. Dinner was quite variaty. Had trditional cuisine, but enrironment was to lame. A so called family outing.

think.....ing....

2007-05-20T03:17:00.000+08:00

In the mist of freedom from a tied down ankle, joy & laughter of ending mental sufferings, looking forward to a wide open culture & oppotunities. With or without knowledge, experience, will, determination, qualification... could one survive this far. To seek work we need qualification. To seek qualification we need knowledge. To seek knowledge we need money. To seek money we need to work. So this point it noted that all that we would want to achieve are related to what we are trying to achieve. Could be experiences is the bonus we have to boost our spirit. Or could be current situations are making it harder to achieve. Even so MONEY matters most whereby family is too priceless to be brought or paid. A life time of savings could not buy family bonding. But its seems like now, famly relations are broken becouse of money. So money could be the powerfull tool/weapon deadlier than evil.

the chapter where i sometimes hate to write.... getting a job!

2007-05-15T21:44:00.000+08:00

As some of you know, I just end my service with the government a week ago. So whats the next step for me? Getting my accounts numbered. And how am i going about doing that.

1st get a job,
2nd endure the job,
3rd at the end of the month hopefully get a reasonable pay,
4Th developed a career from experience,
5th hopefully not get fired in a few month,
6th hopefully things will work well with my task/social/family,
7th getting my savings up and running,
8th hope get to help my family's financial well-being,
9th save enough to get by & use some to attained back my H-Nitec cert,
10th get myself a qualified bike license & an affordable bike.

So many things in just a short time. Seems like i have to wait till i get a job first then I'll rewrite the list. Well currently I'm doing some job training on some maintainace & servicing of electrical peripherals. Ya... i know engineering, what do you think I'm trying to regain back. My qualification. My knowledge. My skill. My passion? Doesn't seems so. For some time I've been learning about electrical engineering. Even so i fairly understands it. But now i have to sacrifice my effort & time to a working environment. I'm trying my best to boost my moral by thinking a positive attitude. Just looking at what I will hold in my future. But that doesn't mean i don't have time for leisure. Actually I'm trying hard to use up my time to doing something benefiting. Trouble getting to fill my time with sports. That's why i hate this chapter of my life. Its so time consuming. I don't have time for myself. Now is just a free time that i have, so blogging???!!!!

Wish

2007-04-30T15:06:00.000+08:00

I had a wish then. Wishing i was exile from the world of pain, lonely, backstabbing, ugly, demanding lairs. That was 2 years ago. But now i feel like that was only just the beginning. When i was enlisted, a new chapter of it begins to show a dark side of life. Through it i seek to find the light. It surely comes with a price. A price i have to earn to get to see light. Even it takes to leave everything behind. Then i saw something along the way that made me linger. All i want was to perform my best but with out support i couldn't be one. I bleed. I teared. I suffered. I Yield. I kept my patient. I called shots. Even then it not enough. Within the period, I am sparta. But now I realise I'm none. Its like waking up from a coma. Fighting my way to wake up & trying to move. Even now I'm struggling to trap water. In real world people think they are superman. Even when they have the right stuff. There must be a time we must realise that even superman is not perfect in many ways. Even so who am i so say such things. Ending a chapter, starting another?

Nearly over

2007-04-12T15:37:00.000+08:00

Its nearly over now. My patient would be running dry. All the
irritants, sub-childish thinking young premature adults, semi-minded arogen
freaks.... will be gone from my site now. No more shouting, no more
arguing, no more critisizing threatening. All will be gone. Lookin forward to
a new chapter in my life. Hoping to begin fresh & new. Hoping to get to
where i plan to go. Hoping to become what i want to be. Hoping to
achieve what i've been striving for. Even if it takes another cycle of it.

junkie......

2007-04-04T19:27:00.000+08:00

Again.... I'm using the computer like its a machine that never fails to disapoint me. But what really matters is juz the time , speed and juz hopes it never crash. Downloading movies or tv series are fun where u get to watch it over and over again. Waiting for it to load and watch it online, thats kinda frustrating to overcome. There's not a lot of episodes to watch. Even movies are half way loaded. Some are interesting but some are total crap. But having waited for each to load takes nearly half a day for tv series and freakin 12hrs for a movie. But when it was just about to complete, lets just say the electricity went BOOM. Everything just went blank. ARHHH!! Just waiting to watch ugly betty, veronica mars, wald hogs, Bean' Holiday and meet the robinson. Now all back to square one. I spend 12 hrs not sleeping just to wait for it to complete. Now, DAMN... all the waiting for nothing. But now..... finally uploaded, watching Veronica Mars. I wonder if there's a complete season 1 on it. Finally i confess, i had a thing for tv series now than i had then. All because of watching much of some in camp maybe.

blogging again......

2007-04-04T03:41:00.000+08:00

blogging..... its one of my ways to past my time while using the computer. It could also be a way to let my thoughts out. Journal... updates on life for friends to read about. Seems to be a trend. But ever since i had less time with updating, what have i been doin. Well sory to say i'm beginning to slack my ass out with free foods, snacks, soft drinks..... and all that stuff. Being lazy now is not what i had expected to overcome in the next fews dayz. It is going to take much effort like before..... going back to square 1.
then i've always have a goal to go for. But ever since it was so close and merely imposible to achieve it in time, i think it may be not mine to have. On the other hand, it could be different otherwise. Other than that i'm glad with what i have right now. Just need some extra improvements to expand what i'd like to overcome.
this month had been the most slackest time i'd ever had. Even in the mist of it all i manage to reflect back what made me say what i say even though its a slip of the toungue. Though i may not want to say it but its just me being myself, beginning to be me. I may come to realise why people tend to say what they say, do what they do. Having the nature to be themselves. I should too....

The start of a new day...............

2007-04-02T14:07:00.000+08:00

Noserils fill with smell of taugae as we past through Oasis. Beating
green, amber and red as we turn right to copeland Avenue. Mounting curbs
and soft sands as it wobble its way across the open patch. Stood there
waiting were packs of tounge sticking tail waggling mischeivious wild
dogs. Cute & cuddly. Bark so unviloently. Eat so noisyly. Jump so
playfully. These are one of the residents of Pulau Sakra. We call them watch
dogs. At first they were two. Then came two more. Now they add another
5 to the pack. But the other two made their way alone to another shore.
But do not be decieved by their innocent look. They will attack one
that wears different from us.
My trip doesn't end here. To some its a beginning. But to others its a
whole different meaning. Pumping only thirty, bumping up down left
right front back. It was an unpleasent ride cutting through cold breeze
along side uneven 11th Ave. Gravels, potholes, softsands. The journey
never ends..........
As i sat my eyes out to sea, waves crashing along the clusterd rocks,
there i saw the orange tip of the rising sun creaping up along the
horizon. My eyes staring still underneath covered uv protected visions.

The start of a new day...............

i wanna thank my QD......................................

2007-02-03T22:56:00.006+08:00

"I'm putting this down as a will for which i'm yet to have if i'm gone
during training. Tell my mom i've had 2yrs of my life here & during my
time here i've learn some of lifes lesson. The will to survive is the
only way to be side by side or above the rest. We do cos of we want to do
it. But life here is like a string, fragile, easyly snap if pulled too
tight. From a boy i'm learning how to become a man. Taking control of
what i believe, putting positive attitude into it. I love them here but
their negativity really is killing me. Being friendly is just a day to
day thing. When business comes in there goes the trust in us.
Treatenings' nothing new here. So if i'm gone during training its fate and not an
accident as my time have come. I love my mom, dad, my two sisters more
than i love myself, i love the new member of my family(he's the light
in our darkness), those ppl i met in my life........ its a never ending
list. May god forgive me."

~Thats what i wrote in my engage the night before my platoon life firing. You may think I'm nuts by putting it up here but i wanna let others know what i felt during the pre-exercise. Its the closes i get to bullets flying past my ears. So what do you expect.....

Sitting down eating wheat crackers & milk, i realise that we left
another 3-4 months of this life. After this we are on our own through out
our lifes until we meet again during our reservist. Time past so fast. I
had only remembered that time we had fill with anger but cant do
anything about it cos we are still bound. Tough times dont last. But do we?
Seems to think that way. All of it could end up a memory. Good or bad.
Some memory touch your heart and some leave a scar on them. Some good
events are best to remember but some are better left buried under those
rubbles.

Its been a while since i've update my blog. Been not that busy but
uneven schedule make it sounds like one. Haven't been thinking much lately
yet however time will tell. I shouldn't wait for it to happen... Look
forward, work on it, then let it flow. May be some but not all. Who
knows things might tend to change that very last minute. By then do we walk
the talk or still have to plan. Or may be let by. Either or, life will
uncover the dark sides, thats when we see light and walk towards it.
The good thing is how u deal with it. Then it'll be lifes' very own
lessons. So pull up the loose boxers and hope it'll stay up that way as
lifes' very own stories. Life.

~Seems like for now i'll be skipping my entry every time i'm not near to any internet resources..... But then i've always got my QD. Its easy now to put down whats up in my mind. Although its sometimes shorter than shortstories. QD my only boredom-free resources...

memories in ite

2007-02-03T22:56:00.005+08:00

Landed At Changi Airport

2007-02-03T22:56:00.004+08:00

At Chiang Kai-Shek Airport about to board

2007-02-03T22:56:00.003+08:00

rollercoaster ride

2007-02-03T22:56:00.002+08:00

reach the airport

2007-02-03T22:56:00.001+08:00

before taking off from SIA

2007-02-03T22:56:00.000+08:00

Friday

2006-11-24T22:19:00.000+08:00

Today i find peace in mind. Its been a while since i've found something to ease this occational pain in my heart. My mind then was a mess. But after thinking about it and having an anonymous persons point of view, it suddenly struck me to look forward to having a change. May be i'm an introvert, but because i just haven't got any clue how to talk it all out. For now i just have to let my faith be with him. Give me the courage to face this through. Give me the strength i need to even have what i cherish. Give us hope. For he is one and only.

Today will be the the day i must get myself over things. Thing it through before i start to judge. Try to option out possibilities. Think of the future. Althouh the past will tend to come back grabing us from the neck. I must learn to over come my anger. Sooner or later it will eat me up like cancer. Someone told me about neil armstrong's story. I don't have a clue. But the moral of the lecture was....... when you have to talk it out, talk it out. Don't keep it. The pain might eat you up without you knowing it. Then it will be too late. I need to change. Thats when i need all the help i could get from my love ones. It may take quite a while.

[it takes a split second to get angry, but how long does it takes for us to cool down]

Time

2006-11-17T02:45:00.000+08:00

"Its been long..... its been long since i had a ciggies. I should say quit now. Or not. It makes me feels like lighting up to a few but i just don't want to. May be its me... or may be its not me. i'm confused right now. What had we become. 'WE' the generation today. Some of us are getting smarter than our parents. Some of us are getting wilder than our elders. Some of us are getting stronger time by time, day by day, years by years. But then some of us are getting stupid my the minute.Some are getting weaker by physical or even mental. Must we acknoledge only from our emotions, our hearts, our feelings. Why?!? Should there be hatred in us. Why must there be negligence in our thoughts?!? Why must humans have no regard for others except themseves. Why must i think this way?!? Why do we have to suffer when the opposition stills stands proudly?!? Who are they?? They are just like me. Like us. Today we fall.... But tomorrow we shall bring distruction to the very end. Distruction worst than any disasters. Even in the mist, there will be voices, eyes, footsteps.... leading to no where? lEadIng to the very heart........"

During my civilian life, I somtimes wonder what will happen to me when i step foot in army. Ever thought about that. After i read all my entries in this blog of mine, i noticed some thing that i didnt realised for the past 2 years. I'm beginning to change. Somewhat a knowledgable person, but on the otherhand i'm getting weak mentally. All i did then was extroverting everything i had in my mind, my heart to this blog with commons sense. I had to because its killing me internally. I smoke hard on ciggarettes to clear my mind on things that others thought are silly. Then i thought hard on becoming myself. I dint know what i was feeling until i'm introduced to blogging. Blogging Did help me then when i didnt have any one to talk to. I didnt want to. It was me being secretive of myself that make me an anti-social. Then i had discover a way to motivate myself and thats by talking to ....me. I wasnt sure what i wanted then cors life was preety slow and heavy. Filling my time on ciggies and observing poeple around me. Friends are like passerbys. Hi and Bye. Guess they would eventually know that i does exist but when on the other hand, i'm just a sub. i felt like i'm in my own world back then with ciggies. but eventually after blogging, i get to express what i have to express in words that i could see. let it out and leave it there. i saw myself improving.

Now, its worst than i had expected. I'm dumber. I think i'm getting stupi day by day. I felt like i'm in my own world doing stuff to perfecttion over and over agian.its like doing the same thing..... but on a different day. just like a schedule. spending my time away away from reality. its like a place i could call hotel california. its heaven in the darks of hell. th way i've been thinking are far much worst than then. i used to have fun to express my childyness, spoke english was not a problerm, think out off the box, laugh like an insane person. Now, i dont think of it, dont even have that much fire for fun. just look at what i put in my entries... all bunch off rubbish. even my english getting weak. My mind starting to block every single detail i was surpose to take note to. Its just kept on blank, blank, blank.Its like what ever comes in just came our just the way it went in. i think i'm loosing some of my mind. i'm no more mentally imuned to such viruses thats causing my brain to just stun. Its like switching channels with the volume mute. i guess i finally found the question i've been searching for.... i cant pretend nor can i be someone i ought to be. only time will tell.

as i gaze out to sea all i saw was empty open space..... fills with .... emptyness. calm but some times thundery weather. can u judge the sea... can u judge the ocean. judge..??? what about the wind. the light. the silence.

memories in taiwan

2006-10-22T16:06:00.000+08:00

Satisfied?

2006-10-22T14:57:00.000+08:00

Satisfied? Of course i am. How am i not. This year has been the only
year that i realy complete my mission. Whats my mission? To compete with
my very own achievements. To be what i ought to become. Understanding
my limits, pushing my self ego. So how did i do? Errr... Just say that i
achieved and want to achieve my major goals in time to come. So i could
understand what, why, how i want it to be in life. Its a step by step
deal but approching it is the pain i have to endure. Pain is temporary,
suffering it helps me understand the will to survive what i started.

True story.... really!!!

2006-09-21T14:17:00.000+08:00

Have u ever had nightmares every time u shut ur eyes while hoping for a good night rest? Well i did, everytime i sleep at night in my bunk. I don't know why but there may be another occupant, i think. I really couldn't sleep quite well these past few dayz after coming back from taiwan. Not like before my trip, slept like a baby. There was a story before my trip and i mean this happened for real! Well, it was during sometime before a month duty near the ship yard. That particular night a few of us could not sleep that well. That night we were preparing for the next day parade. Usual routine, kiwi shine our boots. But hafiz was the last person to go to bed. He said while he were walking towards the toilet he saw sha & zan chating on their cellphone. But the creepy part was while he was sitting on the toilet bowl, playing with his handphone, he heard a person came in and use the squart toilet bowl 2 doors from his. When he went out to wash his hands he notice the door was half open. Luckyly his handphone rang when he's about to check it out. But still, he kept wondering who the person is course while he was returning to his bunk, he counted every men present in each bunk. Everyone was in bed. Wana know sha's story? Much more creepyer than hafizs'. What he told me was while sleeping he could hear his handphone droped no the floor. Then when he was about to pick it up he saw me not sleeping yet sitting on the edge of my bed looking at the window. But then when he was about to return to sleep, he saw me sleeping on my bed but the silluete of a person sitting on the very same spot. That alarmed to the max. He then cover himself with his blanket. When ever he pips, he would see the figure looking back at him. But then the next day he never told any body. Wana hear my version of the story?Well that very same night, i went to bed as per normal. The one thing that really freak me out was when i heard the similler voice of my buddys' beside my bed saying, "oi ada hantu... Oi ada hantu.!" (oi got ghost... Oi got ghost!"). Then i realise something. Why would anybody wana say that in a calm maner when there's a ghost and not panic or shouting. And then i felt that something was wrong with the picture. The air wasn't right. So as cowardly as i am, i glance a bit having my eyes half open. I force myself to sleep. But then still feeling that the thing is still there, i just said some prayers and fell asleep. The next day when i started asking my buddy beside my bed if he did woke up at night or talk in his sleep about ghost, he said no. But then the othes guys started spilling the beans. And thats how i get to know that somethings in this world does exist and may happen at any moment. Like what happened to that night. I just hope its a good thing though!

Taxi ride!

2006-09-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

The other day i took a taxi ride from hougang to chaichee. Without knowing where chaichee is i told him that he could use the TPE expressway goin to changi airport. After we past sengkang/punggol, he pass pasir ris then to tampines. I only notice where he's heading when we reach expo. Damn he took the long route to bedok. The expressway route. Finally i told him to drop me of at the taxi stand/bustop. When im about to pay his service i ask him, "Uncle arh how come u go the long way ah?" Then he said "But u said go by TPE going to changi airport mah!" Then i ask him if he knows where's chaichee. Then... He said he dono! Aiya uncle ah why u never ask me? Although we both made a mistake, we never argue on who's right or wrong. The way i explain to him that if i were already 'tulan' i could've made complain but i didnt. I told him the shortest route & told him that if ever he is not sure of a place he shuld ask or clarify the destination. He smiles & return me a few bucks saying thank you. But hey not all texi driver know all roads. GEMS.... Service with a smile or assisted service with a smile. Its a 2 way thing!

2weeks... 2days... of life-time experiences

2006-09-10T17:06:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since I updated my blog (*sigh). Well for once I don't have to sit infront of the computer to think of what my entry's gonna be. This entry is about what I noted down during my time in Taiwan. Some parts are fun & some are boring. But what intrigues me is that I had the motivation like I never had back home. It feels like home in Taiwan. With a language problem yes. Although I'm not that mandarin educated but some of the gestures I could somehow understand.

25/08/06

1st Day In Taiwan

Reach there quite early in the morning. Sunrise(1st light) is as early as 0510hrs. Sunset(Last light) is as early as 1800hrs.
All roads are left-hand driving in most right lane. The cars looks like mini toyotas'.
Sleeping bunks was like a 5 star motel.(Banglah's style)
Lavatory & bathing area was a culture shock. Bathing area has a pool for reserve water supply and there were no doors in between... So use your imagination on how we butt nakedly showers... hehehe
mosquito's were everywhere, spiderwebs at the corners... Even in toilets.
Ninja... ninja... Ninja Van!!!! Got pretty chick selling weird food stuff, ciggies(a carton at S$25. How cheap?!? Calling cards that are only usable for prepaid users on certain telephones.
Rubbish has to be separated between plastic bottle/cups, general trash and metal cans.

26/08/06
2nd Day In Taiwan

Donation of blood bank to dracula mosquito's on previous night.
Wake up early at 0515hrs.
Must bath once a day(ration of water).
Went to top of plateau in the area. Wonderful view.
Roads/tracks were dusty.
Bunk farkin hot, no air ventilation. Superfan came to the rescue.
Best noon nap ever.
At night after prayers, creepy appearance of ghostbusters to rectify some problems.
Sweating a lot even before going to sleep.

27/08/06
3rd Day In Taiwan

Last minute preparation for battle course.
1st day out taking a ride across town area.
Terrain of forest much more thicker than asrama.
Walking up and down Chinese graveyards(some were opened coffins with something in it).
Walk along chicken farms.
Hot weather hotter than back home.
Top of hill quite high, could see scenery of whole town & city far ahead. Even near the shores.
Cool breeze from the sea blew through top of mountain although hot weather.
Some reaction of people living there while on the way back.
Get to pray with some of my Muslim mates at back of our dining area.
Consolidating of rubbish(Singaporean will always be Singapore).

28/08/06
4th Day In Taiwan

Dream of fight with Taiwan yamakashi style samurai sword. Nearly hit gunner with fist.
UO. Tank life firing going on at arti bunker, travel long distance to get to UO area.
Felt like Battlefield2 during Karkand assault.
Very dusty environment, riding at back of 10tonner uncovered, use camoenet for filter protection.
Chicken burger for night snack.
During night prayers, get to learn somethings from each other in army life as a Muslim.
While waiting for lights off, talk crap about the SIA air stewardess. :)

29/08/06
5th Day In Taiwan

Morning still the same.
Saw one of the most beautiful sight ever.(Freaky looking bugs hanging upside down underneath what looks like a pandan leaves)
Big Moth in between big leaves.
Hornet's nest at edge of branch.
caterpillars hanging inches below leaves swinging right in front of my face.
Some were stung by bee. Some were bitten my spiders. As usual everybody were bitten by mosquito's.

30/08/06
6th Day In Taiwan

Start of navigation.
Foggy view of mountain ahead... Layers by layers... Cool breeze in a hot sunny weather.
Live firing still going on, fed flags all around.
Navigation through up and down hill tracks.
Bash through tall undisturbed grass.
Down & up hill nearly hit eye with branch, luckily got cameo netting.
Bash through farm plantation.(lime, bamboo, dead snake)
Wide plantation hill slope.
Plantation slope just beside golf course
A view of hawk flying over us.
Road a lot of slopes/ups/downs/lefts/rights.
Small hill looks like teletubbieland(golf course)
Saw villidge kids playing around with miniskooters.
Fertilizer waste in a wide drain.
Want to take short route but the route is through huge graveyards..... *canceled
Long winding steep up slope road.
Reach log point on top of mountain.
awesome scenery, could see other hilltops with dew.
Could see build up areas far ahead (a few mountains to buildup areas).

31/08/06
7th Day In Taiwan

Morning sunrise over mountain. What a really beautiful sight. I just wish I had my camera with me.
Morning alarmed by some wild dogs barking.
Factory girls waving at us "Ni How".....
Reached town (residential area)
7-11 (look-a-like)
Pond with little duckling.
Friendly town people.
Alleyway quite deserted.
The real 7-11. Its a store and more. (selling uncensored magazine)
Town area lots of factory.
Nice looking scooter girls. (the scooters are nice too)
1st time saw bloody huge hog on truck.
Babe body power-gede-mark! (green shirt & short jeans skirt)
Walk pass tall grass plantation.
Villidge got lots of dogs.
Starting off with a lot of steep & curvy up slope.
The breeze on top of every hill was motivating.
Shag like f@#*.
Multiple types & colors of dragonfly.
Lots of winding road before reaching top of each hill.
Started to cough and blisters on each feet. Trying to endure pain.
Reach end point, end of navigation, took tonner going back, saw a lot of Taiwan girls.....woooohoooo

01/09/06
8th Day In Taiwan

Woke up late at 0900hrs with nothing to do. (temp holiday)(smoke-free day)
Slack nothing to do.
Section 2, 2 men down.
Read some mags/strait times.
Aching body, heart pain, mind going bonkers.
Freaky dream. (ghostbusting)

02/09/06
1st Day In Taiwan

Breakfast Was ok.
Load was unbearable
Hate becoming 2IC.
Hot day, piece of land full of rocks, end up breaking rocks & not digging.
Heard the lion snROAR.....!!!
Sunsets quite beautiful.
Night life at out field very stale.
Night movement quite cool n tiring.

03/09/06
10th Day In Taiwan

Early morning walk quite mind challenging.
Unsuccessfull mission to keep alive.
I hate being 2IC.
Unsuccessfull mission again.
Fatigue/sleepy/tired.... unbearable.
Prepare for next battle.
Beginning to like life during outfield but hate it, who likes it anyway.
Secret Operations.
Cannot help but sleep with the mosquitos.

04/09/06
11th Day In Taiwan

Stars shining Bright in the Taiwan sky, could even see the airplanes.
OP/LP in tall grass field was fantastic.
Waiting for 1st light, saw sunrise... wonderfull.
1st time felt so satisfied with my performance.
Mission Sg Marine..... success of target.... but fail to keep alive.
Get to ride hummer vehicle.
Packing up was tedious.
At last RnR mood.
I got condoms... wahahaha... we made balloons, party hats and watter bombs with it.... hahaha condoms are funs stuff... when u dont know how to use it for hahah.....
Ok, shag like f@#$ , cannot help to keep eyes open when enchik talking about food ration.
Talk to kanai about some thing but cannot remember what i talk about... too drugy/sleepy

05/09/06
12th Day In Taiwan

Freaky dream again. (this time really bad untill i have to force myself to wake up)
Woke up during 1st light, cannot go back to sleep, listern to my mp3.
The 1st and only prata for breakfast.
Clean SARA Denise12 to the tip-top condition. (furthers I ever cleaned)
Spring cleanning is one of the toughest major task in roc.

06/09/06
13th Day In Taiwan (R & R)

Wake up early packing/spring cleaning.
Get R & R Cuisine.
Roll out of base to start R & R.
On the way saw many wierd sign.
Cool landscape of mountain.
Scenery of village areas near mountain beside the highway but manage to squeeze agriculture in empty land.
Tour guide michelle, sweet, nice, pretty & open minded, single for 2 days.
Took lunch at restaraunt near motel looks like castle.
Had fun at Discovery World.
Didn't ate dinner at restaraunt.
Saw Ping Nang Mei along the way. (cheo' bu wearing all sexy just to sell tobacoo)
Check in to hotel. Went out with the guys, looking for shops to go shoping but none, bought a few halal foods and drinks at 7-11, brought back to hotel, ate the R&R chicken pasta. (better than combat)
Sleep late just to see whats on cable.

07/09/06
14th Day In Taiwan

End of note.... wanna enjoy my R&R... don't wanna put much in to it. Just say in taiwan... i became some body i'm not gonna be back home.... let it be left here in a foreign country. although, be some body i thought i could be.........
O.R.D Lorhhhh........!!!

08/09/06

15th Day In Taiwan

Came back to singapore, took picture with EVE Air Attendent.
O.R.D Lohhhhhhh!!!!!!!

turnin 22........ I'm old...

2006-08-19T05:47:00.000+08:00

Ok... Now I' 22.... 1 year past 21. But somehow the feeling still the same. Not like the feeling I had last time during my younger daze. Happy when it comes to 17 Aug, my birthday and indon's independence day. So what's my wish... wanna know? It's still the same as last year. Only thing is this year got slot in an extra wish, wish that I could still preserver and hope for the better. May be that's the only thing now that I could think off. Actually, this year was quite memorable. Cos at 0200 hr in the wee morning, I had to start my journey on a basis to my objective.
The routine was hard but when I think of giving up, I start to think about something to motivate me to hold my ground when the time comes. The best part of my birthdate was i get to be side by side with my buddies...

Ok shit gtg rest my eyes starting to farkin super sleepy .
............continue when i have the time.

My One & Only Latest Update hahaha

2006-07-31T23:33:00.000+08:00

Dude.... I just got a lot to say right now I just don't know where to start. Ok 1st let me start by contributing my condolence to panda and family for their lost, time and duty doesn't really allow me to pay my respects. Apologies. Due to the fact that I'm always busy when I'm needed really buggs me lots.

Some of the facts that I'm M.I.A: (in random order)

Former class outing. (Which I was on duty that very day)
Former club/friends Hari Raya outing last year. (Guard Duty on weekend)
Some of W! Outings which I don't think I could remember how many. (Duuh where was I...Oh yar CAMP)
SC's Batch Camp. (Which I was invited but not there)
Supper with Mat² Moto. (Busy unpacking my stuff for WASHING)
The birth of my new cousin, Afiq Azizi. (shorten course his name is damn long+++)
GC's concert in Singapore. (BMT 2 weeks confinement)
A HOLE LOTS OF SHITS WHICH I DON'T THINK I COULD REMEMBER COURSE I THINK I HAVE A VERY SHORT MEMORY!

*These are some of the things I missed. Like I have to respond to the call of duty, whether its an emergency or not.

Really dude, if you ask me now if I wanna go out catch some sights a.k.a Lepaks. I don't think I'm gonna go 100% positive on it. I just sux at these lepaking course I think if there's at least an activity like catch a movie or BF2 or checking out some and I mean some expensive stuff just to ogle at them its okay but I don't think I would wanna sit down talk craps and eventually light up a cigarette. Course I think I quit! I think so course I don't wanna say I quit but eventually in a month or so I break it. Its not a promise but a stand. It all started when I was down with gastricdiarrheaa. Wooo that was Hell dude!! What ever I ate, it came out like a fountain indigested flakes. It came out from my nose too. I think from that onwards didn't even took a single puff. I even gave away my 4 Salem sticks to Mr Boobies. Hah in exchange for a free can of coconut drink. I tell ya coconut drink really smoothens the stomach. But it took me nearly the whole 3 weeks to feel normal and I mean normal. After reading Men's Health, I got some idea of what contains of a stick which I took for the past years. It effect SPERM cells.

Bonus question: How do you maintain camaraderie between a buddy who puts you down, pin you till you just wanna whack his face, kills your self esteem & at the same time jokes like there's no end?

Answer: "Entertain the positive", "Ignore the negative", "Keep a high level of Patience" & "Fuck him back at his face once in a while if you feel like killing him"!

Oh how I just wanna kill each and every one of you. But hey, don't call me murderer when you're killing me right now. Who's dead? Are you? You could be if you had lots of enemy whom you just made the hell out of your jokes. Reason being I'm just here to complete my cycle of service and have fun and I mean fun. Not getting chiseled bit by bit by your wicked jokes, sharp sarcasm, bloody chee bye mouth and ya not forgetting your arogan pride and fucked up brain damaged skull. So you think I'm gonna easily lay my knuckles at ya, well guess again. Simply not worth it. Not a single thing. Let you walk this earth with your attitude and then we'll see who'll knock you out first. Or will you just break.

Even in the mist of all the negativity and all that crap, I manage to have a peace of mind by the edge of the sea. Yup edge of the sea. It was peaceful. Damn peaceful. The only friends who were lazily laying around were the flock of pigeon and these two monitor lizard. It was at least 80cm long and damn fast. And not forgetting some mouse (or is it rat)busily digging up rubbish for some supper. Buy hey, they were at least minding their own business. Well as I gaze out to sea, a lot of things run past my mind. Most of them were of the things I had spoken about, some were what to do/say if shit happens. Even humming to songs from the top charts. Its like a vacation I really needed from my life but one thing is that its just too short. But the moment was worth while.

aku dah malas

2006-06-25T17:59:00.000+08:00

AKU DAH MALAS NAK LAYAN KARENA HIDUP MANUSIA ZAMAN SEKARANG.......... zamani dah balik campong tanam padi.... tok masa tuanyer nanti.... jumpe gadis bergelar isteri..... tembak saner tembak sini.... luper puler harger diri.... cari kejer makan gaji.... mintak tolong anak bini.... mintak hutang keliling cheti.... bukak meja tagak todi.... kene tangkap mintak simpati... sampai masa bunuh diri..... apa nak jadini.... dengan melayu zaman ini..... hayalan makan diri..... sampai bila nak jadi macam ni.... teguh sikit salah 'sini'..... macam lah pandai sangat, baik sangat, bagus sangat, betol sangat, tahu hal sangat, world sangat.......... oh shit i forgot... its none of my farking beeezzzznersss RIGHT!!

lost completely lost

2006-06-17T03:01:00.000+08:00

have u ever stare at a certain piece or object to realise that u r actually dreaming. i mean day dreaming.... well sad to say i'm doing a lot of that during work lately... i dont know why but i think i get what i'm actually thinking of at that very moment. may be its just because that i'm too tired or just thinking about my past. some times i smile and some times tears fall from my eye. funny thing is that my buddy usually notice that and asked me... like he could understand. it seems like i'm doing a lot of blankstares and i just can't help it. could be the surroundings was so peacefull or quiet. i sometimes could not shut my eyes and doze off when my mind is on to something, but then when i'm not aware of it i got scolded by my peers for dozing off.... even if i were to say whats on my mind right now... i just could'nt make it out. i dont really put much on my blog lately cors i'm not that free. even if there's time to book out i just dont see whats there to not be said. may be time will tell. or is it to late for me. could keep thinking about it finally make me understand what it is thats bothering me? it seems that i'm lost.... really lost... and i dont know what...

[IS THIS]My Second Home{COULD BE]

2006-06-07T18:21:00.000+08:00

Today he wanna talk about his second home.For the past few weeks, as he's only been given 1 day off, te feeling of staying in is like not a very bad feeling. During the time when he had a 2 daze off at home, He juz wanna grab his stuff and juz go home. But then as time & problems come up, going home or staying at home is like no freedom to him. Its like he'd rather go out have fun and then bk in back at nite. Then the next morning juz wake up get ready for duty. Duty had been fun as well as challenging. Its like visiting the zzz..... monsters every week and keeping smart and 'wayang' all the time. But apart form that relising he missed his loved ones make him feel like and outcast when at home. "Everytime BROTHER comes home, always not in a good mood. Then BROTHER starts to post his garangness to the loved ones, then regrets to feel like a totally changed person. For what reasons BROTHER was thinking at that very moment was really not something that was wise as BROTHER forgets his roots and leaves."

Evan how hard he tries to rejects the negitivity, he got stuck to being a total arsehold. Its like when he express himself too much, They tend to use it back against him head on with no holding back.

May be he just need a small portion of somewhere to spend on his space to just be by himself. The space is not much. Just the person that he had been in the past, the present him & what he would become in future. What ever tomorow 'lies' for him just think of it as finding a way out in a maze!!

!!!!!HOME SWEET HOME!!!!!

crazy differences between me and myself

2006-05-20T03:17:00.000+08:00

For week i've been thinking of what to tell about my life spending away from home. But there ain't any. Because this is my home.... singapore.... dont wanna sound like a patriot... but yeah.... army... the only 2 years i get to be away from my fucked up past memories. hahaha... even i told my mom that if ns life was one of the way i could fill my account with printed notes, y not go ahead... hahehahehe... all i wanted to have was just a simple life as a kid, teenage boy, youth...wahahha growing adult.

is it worth it???

2006-05-07T02:30:00.000+08:00

oh how am i full of rage right now... the feeling just come rushing through my head, heart just pounded faster and faster.... the feeling of breaking my knuckles on the wall.... kicking the floor till my knee hurts.... arhhhh tighten my feelings till tears run down my cheek.... oh man thats just what it takes to control the rage of an fairness among peers... the deadly technique force that fill my brain just wanting to over come the actions.... woooooo how fullfillingly enjoy ripping apart those negativity to bits and pieces... it takes guts to stand up for what we believe in.... it takes more guts to stand up for righteousness... plz plz plz dont let hatred really fills my blood and veins...... it hurts to see more than it feels to listern.... it may seems a small bit of chilli padi... but to taste it... it burns..... trust is a word.... it must be build... but when trust has been playing around on the field..... it could detonate like a mine.... with out knowing what we are standing on.... it could easyly distroy.... i do hereby stand on my 2 feet having the freedom to feel whats right for me to voice... but even so, let me drown on my own shame for not bringing my voice to be listerned and acknowledged..... for i do have the right to be ME!!!

LEO MAN....................

2006-04-14T03:04:00.000+08:00

He likes to comb his hair backward, open his fore head showing a dignify facial expression. His eyes is sparkle, but slightly showing laziness. He walks firmly and slowly like a lion, confident and ego proud. Outside, you may think he is kind and gentle person, but inside he is a strong and secure person, but inside he is strong and secure person. If he is frighten, he will re-act and respond right away. His words always seem normal but mostly imply "order and demending". He will not talk fast, neither walk fast. In a crowd or at work he will act normally, but not for long you will see him standing out of the crowd and be a center of attention with his words or his action.

You might think he is shy guy, but deep down inside he wants to power over his family and his friends. He just waits for that moment. Do not take what is his and do not order him or else you will see a fierce lion. He respects elderly and senior but will never bow down and accept like a looser for he will rather die than loose his dignity.

He talks bluntly ever on an occasion that he should not say such a thing. He is a compassionate guy and always look at other people on a bright side. He likes people to listen to him. Even he has such a blunt and bold personality, he could easily reach his goal without making any enemy.

Once disagree with him on something, he can be very upset like a rainy storm on a summer day. It will only last a short time, then he will be back a cherry merry person again. He is a bright and witty guy, and he will not put any efforts on something that he thinks it will not work and waste his energy. He is a good planner And well manage his job assigned. When he gives order, he expect them to be carry out exactly. He is the leader type that the followers love.

He can give other people advice and solve problems for other people well, execpt his own mess. He can be easily hurt by other people especially if you do not trust or respect his ability. You could compliment him sometimes and make this lion be your kitty with no difficulty. He is not a good judge for he listen to many people and tend to belief all sides.

You can hardly see Leo man with no woman by his side. If you see him alone, he could already have a love one in his heart, or just broken up with one. Because he is very proud, he can change many girlfriends. He will do many things for the woman he loves but loosing his face is not one of them. Leo man can not live with out love, because for him Love is a ray of light.

He likes people to rely on him, it make him feels "in power". He may complaint if he is asked for favor, but deep inside he is happy that you asked him. If you offer to help him, he will refuse you right away.

When he is broke. he can find money still. He is not careful with his way of spending for he has fun with spending money and happy to but what he likes. He lets other poeple borrow money from him easily even if he has no money, he will run to his friend to borrow money for you. He likes first class, first quality of everything.

He can work hard like a mad dog, and sometimes can be lazy like a lazy sleepy cat. When he works, he is very serious. When he parties, he can be aparty animal.If he ask you out, you will sure have a fun and jolly time.

He will take chance with his love life, so if you know how to handle him, you will win. If he is your one, it won't be a romance noval. You have to be ready to calm him down when he over reacts to small matters beacuse your cool stability will control and ease his mood. If you can not handle or understand him, your reletionship will be like a demolition zone, an on and off relationship till all your friends tired to hear about your breakng up and making up.

Beauty is always in the eye of the lion. You have to be dignify to walk with the lion king. Your looks is part of him image and ego and he is very proud about it too. If you want his attention the first time you meet, you better be astounding attrative. If you have a first conversation with him, you have to show him how much you adore his thinking. He likes to talk and not knowing that he likes to talk about himself.

PS: do read this with open mind....... found it somewhere.... horoscopes.....what more can i say...!

kepalaku dah botak???

2006-03-27T17:24:00.000+08:00

ok here it goes..... currently i'm not stable, nor am i unstable... (ok now thats a bunch of crap!!). What i ment to say is that... life in here is sometimes like heaven and sometimes like hell. even if i like it or not just have to face it through..... its like a test on life on the road.... u may want to prevent it but if it still aiming your way they u just have to deal with it. either way you face it it doesn really matter cors its how you face it..... with honesty.... wow this is a start.... ok positive mind meets positive attitude..... ahakz... mcm paham ajer aku ni...

to be or not???

2006-03-27T16:40:00.000+08:00

From which i once thought i would become, now i thought i am but certainly not yet. Though i'm trying my best not to become what i am in the past recent years, but still it may come uninvited. When will i lay down the fact that what i am now is not what i wanted to become? Even trying is not enough! May be the best solution could be the only solution that i have. They say 'the strongest worrior is always the weakess worrior' or was it 'the stronger you are the weaker you become'. I dont know. May be there are things in life that are balance. Oh yar... now i remember... 'even the strongest person has their weak points...'. Even so who are we to know who is stronger than the other. We could be stronger at the outside but weak inside or stronger inside but weak outside. HAH! Thats why we are human... We have our ways.......

its been a long tyme....

2006-03-07T00:16:00.000+08:00

few weeks may be or month since my last entry. Kind of getting my inspirations during stress times & also so when i'm on the go. but one thing is for sure... i'm talkin to maself again. may be i got no one to talk to. its like i'm begining not to trust anyone but myself. No i dont want to relive my d-side anymore.... just had enough of it. although it change the perspective of ma live and the way i see it. u know the harder u think of what to put in ur entry the harder it gets to let ur fingers dance on the keyboard. its been a wreaked season, no wonder i'm not thinking straight. letting my emotions and ego do the actions. may be the power of thinking with out thinking. crap!! just like the past few weeks..... i'm not gonna have that much time for rest this upcoming schedule. just say that i'll be in camp for about 3 weeks or so......good bye holidaze......

chicken pox

2006-01-22T20:30:00.000+08:00

2 weeks with a box of pills.......SHIT I hate this holiday.... some more when i'm stuck with chicken pox. damn sick of having to take pills every 5 hrs. cant go out, cant eat this or that, cant get contact with my cousins. shit i gotta get well before a week... so i could have a week of FREEDOM!!! At least a day or two. get to slack at home but BORRRRING...... same old movies watching every day.... BTW i look like a freak show. hope this mapeleh thing works on my skins. ops... tablet time...... ARHHHHHH I HATE MEDICINE!!!!!

is it the same old me??

2006-01-09T22:47:00.000+08:00

well so far so freaking good.... but so close.... err..... i dont really know whats it like being not me for the moment..... been different lately.... well every day that is. dont really know whether its fair for everyone else but for me ....i'm kind of enjoying while there's still tyme to.... living in hell but enduring the heaven..... so whats up with the new gen now a days... been low profle for the past months.....living in sorrow???? may be....!!!

freeeeeedom

2005-12-26T17:12:00.000+08:00

Who Are We To Be Born Takers? But Freedom Are One Such Sin!

edi murabak

2005-11-05T23:40:00.000+08:00

btw... EID MUBARAK, MINALAIDIL WALFA'IZIN. SELAMAT MKN
KUIH RAYA... 20NOV SUN SIRHAN OPEN HOUSE, CONTACT
HIM. GUE MESSENGER AJER. GUE SCHEDULE KETAT. MAY B TAK
DPT BK OUT. ;-(

__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - 1GB free storage!
http://sg.whatsnew.mail.yahoo.com

shit....

2005-11-05T23:31:00.000+08:00

fuk blk lev is ovr... nw bck to camp... btw theres a
life firing tis wk... hopeflly ntg hapems 2 me. if
tomro nvr coms 4 me... i wovld want to apologise 4 al
my actions, my deeds was not mine to decide. but him.
for im lost... but arogent as i am, i ment well. 4 tis
could b my 5ast godbye. c ya arnd.

__________________________________
Meet your soulmate!
Yahoo! Asia presents Meetic - where millions of singles gather
http://asia.yahoo.com/meetic

pissed.....

2005-11-04T03:56:00.000+08:00

nw im blardy pissed... cors y..? coms dwn, willing to
update blog tru gprs mobile. but hp fucked up evry tim
i wana update... so heres ta updated shit. im startin
to gain wght, always happy, getin smarter. i wish. oi
wat guitar aku dah update dah... +tivity for the nxt
post... hehe damn im ful of shit...

__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - 1GB free storage!
http://sg.whatsnew.mail.yahoo.com

mobile updates...

2005-11-03T07:03:00.000+08:00

eid mabarak evy bod. heres a simple update... MY LIFE
NOW SUCKS... BIG TYME... where all the kings' horses &
all the kings' men couldnt put my pieces back together
again! ful of (-tivity), rage, frust, yet cant let it
out... may B 1 daythe universe will then unfold...

__________________________________
Meet your soulmate!
Yahoo! Asia presents Meetic - where millions of singles gather
http://asia.yahoo.com/meetic

bah longlong

2005-08-28T17:52:00.000+08:00

nothing much today just to fill my tyme here with a few words... bought dream to make believe by armor for sleep..... army life' fun but shag ..... sai kang mah... wahahah siao arh ler.... 1 more week to P.O.P. cant wait for the day. ok here comes some motivational qoutes....
*Life is full of dissappiontment.
*Look on the bright side.
*Shit happens, learn to enjoy it.
*Do it right the 1st tyme.

Here are some of the things i'll put up on my next book out.
Note
-Sunflower
-Red dress
-Dover MRT
-Dream
(i'll explain y i wanna put this up.)

PS: shit.... back to camp again......

21 going on......

2005-08-17T14:00:00.000+08:00

i'm officially 21... happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me... happy birthday to zuhaili... happy birthday to me......... turning 21 and still behaves like a kid... *sigh. tis morning at 0200hrs 17 august is my 21st birth time & date. it falls on the indonesia's independance day. fore this is my entry for tis day cos surely i'm in camp right now snoring away under my blanket.zzzzzzzzzzz...... okey here comes my birthday wish.... i wish for hope. because to me hope means everything. no matter how we like it or how we try it. we still look forward to hope. and it gives me the chance to begin my new chapter. hahaha 21 and still single... the score is still nil. anyone wanna have lunch with a dateless 21 year old guy. hahahaha

same old shit again....

2005-08-14T18:30:00.000+08:00

lately i discover something.... i'm trying to be somebody else... but there comes a tyme that i hate being that person... but leaves me no choice but to become that person. get what i mean?? but who am i to be when i'm not me? booking out really sucks.... cors... when the time you wanna go out with your friends clashes with going out with family... either way you choose to go out with you will regret not going out with the other group. *sigh sometimes i wonder if my presence at home is really important. arguements spills at home like a routine. seems like living in camp is going to be one off my moments that put a grin on my face. why??? because i get to see my buddies suffer the same treatment as me.... although i do laugh silently when the sergent says"whole lot .....knock it down". feels like the time of my life. but over all it sucks big tyme. i wonder if they learned their lesson yet. or did i? hahaha..... *sigh a few more weeks to P.O.P. time flys very fast. damn after P.O.P there will be a chalet for my platoon. and we have to bring our girlfriends along.... majority of my buddies have girlfriends..... not including those who juz broke up. and 2 or even 5 are like me. single but some of them are fucking cacing kerawits... blur sotong balls...burned chicken wings...(chau keng kia) with GFs. now left the 3 of us who's not yet complete. how...? they say i need a GF to spend my time with. whahaha... how? ney mine... juz look for one in SP wahahaha or even clementi. BTW any one who read this abandon blog of mine plz ensure that you do have an open mind. fore this could be my last entry. death awaits every moment and every seconds.....

Having a tyme of my life..........like dduh

2005-08-06T20:45:00.000+08:00

i'm not me anymore..... not like me before.... keeping quiet all the tyme. been a while since i blog about me, my feelings, my life, my thoughts.... seams like all of it is fadding away..... my past life ... my past memories... but still haunting me... what do you think i should start on??? i felt like crying missing everybody... although i'm filled with laughter.... i'm starting my new chapter of life... do u know what??? starting my point in life.... what i wanna do... what i wanna have.... what i wanna own... myself respect. my life. so how should i start???

Flickr

2005-07-01T14:20:00.000+08:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

friends for ever???

2005-06-29T17:06:00.000+08:00

And so we talked all night about the rest of our livesWhere we're gonna be when we turn 25I keep thinking times will never changeKeep on thinking things will always be the sameBut when we leave this year we won't be coming backNo more hanging out cause we're on a different trackAnd if you got something that you need to sayYou better say it right now cause you don't have another dayCause we're moving on and we can't slow downWe'd get so excited, we'd get so scaredLaughing at our selves thinking life's not fairAnd this is how it feels
As we go on, we rememberAll the times we had togetherAnd as our lives change, come whateverWe will still be, friends forever
So if we get the big jobs and we make the big moneyWhen we look back now, will our jokes still be funny?Will we still remember everything we learned in school?Still be trying to break every single ruleWill little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbyeKeep on thinking it's a time to flyAnd this is how it feels
As we go on, we rememberAll the times we had togetherAnd as our lives change, come whateverWe will still be, friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?I guess I thought that this would never endAnd suddenly it's like we're women and menWill the past be a shadow that will follow us round?Will these memories fade when I leave this townI keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbyeKeep on thinking it's a time to fly...........
As we go on, we rememberAll the times we had togetherAnd as our lives change, come whateverWe will still be, friends forever..................

for now, for never, for once, for better, for when...? FOR EVER........ huh?

2005-06-29T16:07:00.000+08:00

This may offend anyone in any way.... but hell yeah i'm blogging it out anyway. Once a person ask..... me, "zul have you ever..... er..... have u ever... had someone special.... ??"

Yeah... they catches my eye everytime. But What is there to be done... Had my chances. Didnt took it. My loss. Others gain. Well to me its just a lesson to learn... Or may be its just not me.... hahahah i'm turning ito my dad.... fuck... hahaha That was the memories..... dont wanna live it up again.... buryying my memories... building a new shelter for me... and only me to live in... until i understand and basically live my life as i want to... not to copy what others do... not to liv to others expectation. My expectation is to proof my self that i can doit with out others help... with out others symphatatic faces. ulor.... ulor... hahaha i'm at the verge or breaking down... yet trying to understand way am i like this... to emo may be... yeah.. so! to anti-social... may be...so!! too sticking to my self ofthen... so!~!! why am i crying... trying to understand y? why am i smoking when its bad for my health... ? why i kept silent when i knew its painfukll??? kill me deep inside...? hahahaha crazy fella...YET!!! to me its just a point to discover me... me..ME!!! there may be limits. i may fail and fall to what i'm doing or buiding... BUT... would i learn from it... suffer... suffer... stressed....stressed... feeling down.. i wanna feel that... feel it... be a victim of hatred. be a victim of everything... abused!! HELL YEAH! feel it..... feel it through ur vains... through ur blood.... trough ur hearts.... can't put it in words?? ..... burn it!!! arhhhhh.... oh feel how i'm feeling it right now... fuh... now i know how the adrenaline rush fells when a person slit its wrist.... haaaa.... melted wax are just an ant bite. hot melted glue are a bit hotter... but feeling the burn cigereetes pressing down on ur arm.... yeah... feeling how abused .... now i understand way they doit... the feeling that they felt its not about they like it... but to express somthing that they cant have the guts to share... or tell others... being the minority... feeling thats they were not being paid attention to... thats why paarents now adays must know their child to judge from. everybody are not the same u know. the life thtas being living now a days has change its cors. prepare to sail the waves.

As for me... i'm still cool... the days of self abuse are not really gone but... its just for me to understand why... why does it makes me feel to do it... whats my problem... to me the best way is to talk to ur self and discover it in a positive way that is..... START TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU LOVE SOME ONE...

ps: jen.... hehhe sorry for my broken english...hope u understand... regards to u & friends down at bedok..

puffable

2005-06-24T04:35:00.000+08:00

desperate for a smoke...... Gold Coast any one??? hey anybody going to GC's gig???

dont do this to me

2005-06-24T04:22:00.000+08:00

Formaly... i've been known to be an anti-social. When i express myself they say i'm gila. When i was serious.... i tend to get too possessive. When i kept quite.. i got no balls to say it. When i venge my anger... i'm showing of how fears i am. When i do something good people see.... When i do something bad poeple see. When i didnt do anything??? They knew i did something. huh?? I'm tempted to do something........ plz people.... plz.... i don't want it to be this way.... Even if or even not if i use my head.... i will defenatly chosen the wrong decision. plz...plz... i beg of every body... plz dont.... dont do this to me.... dont do any thing.... leave me alone.... i cant ttake it any more.... noooooo....nooooooooooo...noooo/... i dont wanna eat the durian...... no durian for me.... i hate the smell... arhhhhhhhhhh.... NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Like A Rose

2005-06-11T01:45:00.000+08:00

"Like a rose".... I like that song.... from A1. Damn, got the liking for boy bands. But yeah... boy bands has that song that smoothen the atmosphere... haha i usually call it lovey dovey songs for the broken hearted. Although listerning to some songs really brings me down. Why the heck am i talking about boy bands??? NVM..... The latest new...... i heard there's a souce... curry souce saying somebody has a liking for me... er.... i aint know nuthing about it.... is it true??? Fill me in with the details guys. But hey i'm a likable person. Everybody likes me. Thats what their reaction was like. Hate me or like me... i remain me... hahaha. Like dduh. Well what can i say to the individual. ermmm..... i CANT say dont like me or u dont know me so dont say u like me or anything.... Its how you people judge me not by my character or my status. Charismatic, my expressive smile, my jovial attitude......... is that me u guys r talking about... if thats the case... i didnt realise that. But hey as long as u guys feel comfortable with me then hey... i'm cooooL.... My options are open. Thats what my mom told me to do. I just cant stop keeping secrets from my mom any more juz dono why. That dayi told her about me having a partime jod at a vegie cafe. Luckyly she approves... after 3months of secretively going out and comming back late. Told her i started smoking and becoming adicted to it. Having some surport from her makes me wanna cut down and even quit from my bad habits. Respectly i smoke when i'm out of my home and not smoking in front of them makes me a good boy... hah... coulden told her about my rascal years though. Gonna kill me for that. It seems like everythings that i did .....not to my parents expectation really makes me learn from experience. Whats good and whats bad its up to each individuals perspective. If its good then own time own target carry on. But if its bad... then try not to do it. But still... as good as it gets.... the dark side still lingers........ muahahahahahah. Thismagicmoments.... Thistragicmoments...... they are still one of a kind!

tobbaccooo smoke burnin

2005-06-07T04:36:00.000+08:00

Puffing...Puffing...Puffing........... What the hell am doing.......!!! Cant sleeep... Cant sleep..... Am i repeating myself......??? What am i doing??? The sensation of tobbaccooo smoke burnin through my neck.... is really killing me.... and i mmean killing me.... but the sensation kept me thinking about DnD nite. Dono why i'm typing the 2nd blog tonite. Boring may be. Or just trying to clear my mind. AAAAHHHHHHHHgh. Nuthing much to say. TAHUE CHEEZPAISS. AHHH Paranoid....... I Think i did u wrong or keeping secrets again. But what secrets..... i dont quite understand y i'm saying such things. AHHHHH. Must hand u the diskettte. But when? Will i see u agian? Will i ever be myself again?? Will i understand why i'm feeling this way? What way.... high way...... Fyak. Kept getting paranoid of what people think. Blogging ........ the only way i know then and now to express my thoughts. To whom i dare now tell this to. Does that means i got no guts?? AHAHA guts...nuts... peeeeee nnnnuts... Am i doing this agai...? Repeating myself? My life..... my thoughts...... myemotions. My past. I wish I wish for a ear shutter that can shut my voice with a single flicker......... flick... flick....... ahhhh not the ear...... Damn i'm turning into am emo. Shut up zooool shut up!!!!!!

my 50 bucks...

2005-06-07T03:06:00.000+08:00

Today i had a great time.... I'll start off during the early(hahaha) mornin while i was waking up. Well i slept like a pig. Woke up at 10.30am today, felt quite boring cors yeaterday i did nothing but eat and watch TV. Today i'll be returning my costume... plus azrie's costume... plus khai's rented wrist band which he broke during DnD. Oh my gosh i hav'en even start to stick 'em back together. Lazyly gazing at the 4 walls in my room i started thinking back on DnD. Just wish i had a time machine to rewind itself back to 4 june. But hey... is theere such things?? Went to the toilet and mandi korboi....hahha. Got dress and started combing my hair. Admiring my newly half-coloured hair, i started smiling at my reflection(crazy fella). Wore my favourate OVERALLS, and went off to a DIY shop. Spent 15 min trying to look for a super-duper glue that could stick fabrics. I gave up and asked assistance from the ...er... assistant. Gosh does he HAVE a BAD BREATH. Tahan for a while and went off with a $2.90 super glue. Took bus 72 double-deck and started day dreaming at the front seat. Thinking about....... acctually i was at my own dreamLand. Thinking about the mystery gurl in my dream, Reach school, saw the usuall puckers....hahaha. We cleared the remaining pots of plant, fuck around, then made plans where to go after returning our costumes. Thought of watching a movie or somthing. But then we agread on eating at Seoul gardens. Yalah bsouse we will be getting our 80 freakin bucks afther returnin our costumes. Shit should've gone home after that... But then we went to the NACs' seoul gardens. Booked 9seats ADULT CHARGEd at the split 3 tables. The engine has started....... talk crap during the feasting. Nothing much to say about the process of EATING. We talk crap like the place was only ment to be filled by us. Ate what ever we could eat. Here comes the best part....... After half way thru our meeeeals, i went to the Looo to download the the latest hardware... or should i say empty my bins. As i was getting to the Looo..... i just remembered that i was wearing an OVERALLS... ahhhh. The thing i hate most going to the Loooo.... was with my overalls. I find it very awkward to dismentle my overalls to download stuff. Especially hardware. But when u gotta go...... u gotta go. Let me tell u how the motion went..... I unbutton my overalls(Yeahh bebbbehh).......... drop my boxer(ahhhhhhhhhh..*fainted)............. place my butt chicks on the Bowl of Transparent soup(yum... yum...)................. Started to download stuff. It felt like giving birth to a chocolate nuggets....... wahaahahahahahahahahaha. The best part of the day was downloading. Its really made my day. After that blow some puffs with azrie at the carpark. Went down back to the seoul gardens. We went off only around 2hr 30 mins after we started feeding. Could'en break our record at tampines, 6 solid hours.....3 rounds, all meat. But not really that fun with out the wyteboards around. Oh shoots.... if there were more people the place could've gotten a bad raputation.... somemore my 80 freakin buck will be dead gone for toping up some seats... hahahaa. The rest of 'em went to play some cue balls while i walk home misrebly loosing my 50 bucks. Its ok for some course. Kept changing buses while returning home.... not quite sure where i was heading to. But finally got home safely. Now puffing away while typing this i must be freekingly out off my mind. Left hand on my keyboard..... the other holding my stick...................... ........................ .......................... .............................. .......................... ............................ ................. .................... .................................... ............................................. ....................... ................... ........................... .................................... .............................................. .......................................my ciggarette stick!!!! You perverts what do you think i was holding?????

I Blew It

2005-06-05T14:27:00.000+08:00

Today woould be the day that i get to know myself very...very well. Because to say that yesterday was masquerade nite 05. An event that i had a choice to make but didnt did it wisely. hah... There came a time when i said to myself that i would like to open up and no secrets. But hahaha here i am making a bucket head out off myself. Its done... nothing to regret about, exept the part when i didnt want to be my bright side. Paranoid of the very 1st impression. Even if i want to but i cant. Cors i've made a promised to myself. But hey i had fun seeing everybody happy. Satisfaction..... although im a bit dissappointed of myself... But overall FANTASTIC......IT HAPPENS....... WE MADE IT!!!!!
P.S(something i type while smoking out side sch during dancefloor) As I sat down out of the gate... I dreamed that we are going to make it... With or with out an apprietiation... We did it... We did it... As for you guys... I did it to show you guys that I don't want to let you guys down. Not for my PASSION, I dislike to put every body down... If I can, if I cannot then I've just fail to be a part to surport my friends... I owe this experience to you guys... you know who you are............

My Freaky Dream

2005-06-04T10:11:00.000+08:00

Ok this is freaky... Wanna tell u guys about my dream during an unexpected 3hr sleep. It began with a dinner and dance.... And this dream was a bit funny... During the dance floor starts to open to guests, I had my way out of the multi purpose hall. At that time everysingle one of my friends were dancing. Then i was roming around the morning assembly area, when a little boy gave me a note and wispers somthing thats i could not remember. I think it goes something like, "she's at the back......". I went on thinking who was waiting for me at the back. Then i start to search while following the boy. I came to this place where the cloudy weather surface the skys. A girl in knee length skirts, boots, and black singlets standing with her back face at me. She was holding a cigarettes... puffing away. When i came nearer she turn. I dont quite remmember her face but i felt that i've seen her before and i didnt quite remember her name. I felt that i knew her. She starts smiling at me...... i went speechless and butterflies. She hugged me and told me she miss me. I thought i had amnesia or something. She gave me a puff of her cigarettes and suddenly i felt at ease. (Here come the funny part) Then she went down................kneeling........................... ..................................... ............................ ....................................... ......................................... .......................................... .................................................. .................................................. ................................................... ................................................... .................... .................................................... ....................................... ................................ .................................................. ................................... ............................. ................................... ........................................ .................................. ............................. ...................................... and took off my shoes and socks. When she stood up she lean her back on my chest, ask me to hugged her. She was a bit shorter and small size body then me though. At that point i felt like she has been my girlfriend for quite sometimes. But the strange part was i didnt remmember anything before that. I kept on hugging her and wisper to her ears something i could not understand myslf. We went on talking about something. Even though it was total craps.... i dont quite get it. After a while we sat on a cusion seats in somekind of a restaurant. (Out off no where there was a restaurant...hahahaha) Then we sat down and got comfortable. The best part was when my friends starts to enter the restaurant one by one. By the look on their eyes they try to ask me who is the the girl beside. I just went i dont know(In eye to eye contact launguge... ahahaha). We all sat together and talked. Again i just understand what they ment but dont know what language we are using.... hahaha. Then i felt a bit dizzy i lean against her shoulder and fell a sleep. When i woke up she was getting up, got her bag and was getting ready to move off with another girl. I thought they were mother and daughter. When my friend said they were sisters i tried to call her but the words wont come out. Then again, i dont know her name. (This is the best part of a dream.........) Then struggling tocall her.... i suddenly woke up from my sleep. I tried to sleep again but i was running late....... AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHgh rite now spending 10 min to type on what comes out of my mind. ok GTG chau..........

a history made

2005-06-04T03:08:00.000+08:00

Ok... here's a start. I've been long..... gone from cyber life for quite a long time. What have I been doing? Getting reality checked for most of my time. As you know, I've been busy with my so called projects (events planning, events dateline, events itself). What have I learned form all that? Well glad to say it was an experience of a life time plus learn about life as an ITE student itself. All the stress, pain, FRIENDS, good friends, happy times... not forgetting how a team of nobody become a team of exccellent committe. People may say such things that they want something to happen, but neither do they understand what does it takesfor "IT" to happen. Crutial momments where by they left their hopes and "DREAMS" to someone who is willing to go through thick and thin to try to catch the dreams. Left us in the dark when the sun dont shine. Left us in the heavy rains when they are standing there in front of us holding an umbrella. Left us in the mith of getting aim and fired by a grenade launcher. The heart breaking momments is when you are reaching out and calling a persons name and not being heard by 'em. Let alone when he/she is looking at you and smiling. Be it best of friends or good friends... till then we will know when is a friend... really a friend. PS: To my MASQUERADE NITE '05 committe, you people survive the tidal waves. Be glad and proud of yourself cors you people are the true PASSION. Make this NITE a memorable nite. Cheers... you guys deserve to be apprietiated and be given an honour for breaking the ICE of college central. We've gone this far, its our time to break it to the others that we "COULD" be better than "THEM".

I dont live my life for others

2005-05-25T02:13:00.000+08:00

Something triggers me today that i felt quite uneasy about. May be its just me... or may be its my paranoid thinking. May be its the way i thought what others might think made me think other wise, Dont get it?? neither do i. So many things that i wanna tell these people but not quite sure how they'll react. But secrets are not ment to be told. A Few weeks after this entry may be, i'll be serving my National Service. Having thoughts though. What if something happens to me... will i return to see my love ones. Anything could happen at any point of time. He decides when i'll go. Some how or rather, butterflies running through my stomach, thoughts kept on thinking of death. Not that i'm suicidale or anything. But am i ready yet to face what lies ahead. Some say its fate or even its ment to be. Did we do something about it? I guess everyone wants a perfect life. Perfect this, perfact that. Nothings perfect! What we get is not of our desire, what we want we cant acquire. Instead we got something else that we are not quite sure off. And still live with it. To me its not about what we want. Its about what we have in front of us and appretiating what we have that others doesnt. We tend to get over board of our own reality. Lying to ourselves of what we think should be the right decision. Yet feeling half heartedly.We dont usually get what we want in life. But to work on what we want in our life matters most even if we have to sacrifice? All i say... It depends on each & every individuals. I dont live my life for others.... its hope & faith. Well do you agree??

The Mark Of An Emotional Moment

2005-04-22T12:30:00.000+08:00

I know it has been quite a long time since i last update my blog. I have problems with my pc when it crashes. But i had time to come to terms to reality of my life. Since i step my foot to student councils', it have been hell for me when i was appointed as Vice president. Now investiture has past, i'm officially released of my duties. Does that mean i can jump for joy? Well not yet as i've not graduated for my course. Time have past and i've learned a lot through experience. Good times and bad. Good terms and bad. All of it i owe it to my 7th Batch Student Councilors. They were the ones who open up my eyes to reality that i once saw as a fairytale. The one who make me express myself to who and what i am to be my real self, my personality, my confident, my own enemy and my savior. Thanks guys for putting up with my nonscense. In life, friends are the one who u trust and the one who u loose trust in. I've dug my own grave, been spit at, been backstab, been laughed at, left alone to decomposed. But its all worth a drop of sweat that i've put from the bottom of my heart. I made mistake that i wish could turn back the hands of time to mend. But as interesting as it gets, its an experiece that i will not forget. Each individual has its own factor, even though they may not seems to be upfront or even low profile. I've paid my dues. The debts i owe was a hell of a burden that i carry with me every where i go. Credits wasn't mine but it was ours. Remembering the past made me cry, but tears of joy and fun was what made me go on for what i believe in. Believe in us, believe in u, believe in me. Thanks for believeing in me dim sum. I promised not to let u down. and here i am keeping the promise. A masked man once before and will always be, but now a masked man with personality, motivation and hope in life that he's living. All i wanted was to forget the past and continue the present to reach for the future. Its an obstical to engadge upon. But hurdles are just waves u sail on. You may never know the out come when u dont try. I try to be perfect but its just wasn't worth it. Nothing is easy if u don't put ur heart in it where it fits. Basically now i know what i'm up against when shit happens. Its not just shit... its a lot more than that. Its crap. Although cleanning it is a filthy process, the stain still leaves a mark to remember. The mark of an emotional moment.

the plan was simple............

2005-03-31T12:19:00.000+08:00

ok SIMPLE PLAN gig ROCKS.................. but SUM41's the best of the bestest.................... unlike some promises to go as a group..... they dont really understand and know the word FAN........................... u guys are just another kid following up on this generation's next fashion statement. To me its all about appretiating their music......... i will always be me.... and not like them.........

wednesday sucks.....

2005-03-30T23:35:00.000+08:00

okay today i'm starting off by telling u guys out there about my shitty wednesday..... what happen? okay here it goes.

WaKe up today at 6.45am, right on time to get my ars out of the house to catch 7.10am bus. But in the end missed it by should i say 30 sec. hehehe... Board the bus at around 7.30am, no sleep till tampines... instead i took out my microP notes and started scribbling the so called holidays' homework. The bus driver really took the morning ride like riding an elephant. Till i reach tampines, catch a smoke for a moment while walking to the nearest bustop to take 67...23...65. Enter class like no body's buzyness. Sat down thinking that i'm gonna get screwd for not completing my homework. Yet majoraty didn't even doit... wahahahak! But still till tea break i juz couldn't understand the proceedure. shaeekkkzz. Went to sc room to catch a nap, but end up watching tv till 11AM.... tea break over right?? came back to class.... got locked out by captain goggles..... mr Lee. Fuck i just tell him the truth..... then... hey... somehow i can't lie anymore... doesn't feel right. After class went home straight to take my alowance on the table that i fuckingly forgot about. Make my usuall flavoured fries, sit down in front of the tv, and that was the start of becoming a couch potato. When the clock strikes 3.30pm.... the atmosphere starts to turn egerish.

continue.................next entry.... now sleepy...

no seriously i'm fucking tired..... my neck hurts...

in the end it doesn't even matter.......... does it????

2005-03-14T16:04:00.000+08:00

i'm done...... perfectly done...... will be gone in a while..... miss me??? dont think so. ok adios people.... chao..... have a great time guys..... will mis yaall.........................

Pinky & The Brain

2005-03-08T00:01:00.000+08:00

After such long period of thinking of what have i got to say about my time in ITE, the only words will be shit happens. I still can't figure out why they pick me. After 1 year of trying to solve the plan old mystery, till then my theory will only be pretending to be what i'm not, pretending to be perfect than the others, pretending to take the responsibility when i know i can't take the pressure, pretending to care. But what did they saw?? Me or pretending to be me?? I can say that i will do my best, i'll try but do they know that the reason being that we would like to explore our limits. Do we know how far does our limit goes? Are we prepared to face those consiquences?? Do we even see from where we stand from afar? These questions really spins through my mind day in day out. Never stop spinning. May be in such, i've improved on my structured wordings or speech. But does it matters? Who really take notice of my improvement? Do u? I guess not. A single "HI" isn't forth a single cent, but does it brightens a person's day. Even a smile. But what do they hide behind those smile? Thats the part where u peeps have to figure out. Think..... and i mean think deep. What are u thinking?

[=-The Perfect Lie-=]

2005-03-02T23:38:00.000+08:00

ok... this few month hav been a hell of a days for me. why?? Because i'm really getting confused. A part of me saying that i should carry on with the life i'm living rite now, but a part of me kindof starting to give up on what lies ahead. It seems like i've got no mood to rely on my experience or my intuition to really make any more effort. Does it come to this very moment that i've to give up evrything just for the sake of not getting into anymore deeeeep shits or troubles. Just wanna let go but why is it so hard for others to understand that i'm just being plan old fucking me. People might say that i'm giving up on hope. Believe in fate... or have faith in what u do. That would be a real joke if nothing else matters to me. Am i in ITE just to make things happen?? I came here to continue my studies. Not to further my studies. If education matters most then why am i playing a fool. I'm not here to take charge of my life, i'm here just to explore what i can and cannot do. But it seems like things or should i say shit happens for a reason. They say i got the packedge, but what they dont know is that all those are bullshits. Then, i was just following orders. But now i just wanna think for myself. Poeple telling me what to do , i follow. But when i tell poeple what to do, do they follow??? The generation now is not like the generation once before. Now they use more of negativity rather than positivity. What have they got to say? The fact that we are humanbeings doesnt make us perfect. Must we take advantage of the facts? We live to learn, but not to learn to live. Thats my say. And the fact that i'm putting this crap in my blog doesnt mean i'm wise on how to live my life. I need to learn, but sweetness turn sour easyly. How am i to taste life's precious moments. They listern to problems but do they solve it for us. Hell no. They r there to listern, They give their advise, some tell what to do. But do they listern to their needs in life? Needs, wants, desires, having this kind of thoughts really make me sad cors the end is near. What are we doing right now??? The search for truth is blinded by crud lies. Just another perfect lie.

fucked up day

2005-02-26T00:23:00.000+08:00

today is one of the fucked up day i had... no cash, no rest, no pay, no notice, no idea, no life, no motivation............FUCK......wwahahahahahahahahh just dont know why i felt lazy to do somethings but when it come s to someother things get excited and wantting to do my best... fuck again. weheheheheheh wahahha/...... wahahahahaha...... come home with shits..... fucking attitudes...... home now feels like school..... school now feels like a bushes full of torns......... shit happen not for a reason becouse its being planed to happen..... what can i do about it????? NOTHING.... just live by my life..... as a normal fucked up growing does!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm putting on my game face..... hehehe

2005-02-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

smile........
muahahahahahahahahahahaha

HAPPY BANZAI PUTRA DAY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

some of u might be wondering what the hell am i celebrating... well for the fuck of the day.... i saw so many ass, boobies, fucked up faces, soooper models walking up n down the same fucking walk way.....FUCK U BITHCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok next one.....
thanks everybody for the fuck today!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK U...............

VALENTINE'S DAY................what fuck!

2005-02-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

ok so what if today's vday... must i really celebrate it??? lovy dovey day ... mushi...nushi.... errrr what a bunch of craps.......tydasy..... HAH... it seam to be so touching today... couples BREAKING UP.... ARGUEMENTS...... hehehe... LUCIFER'S on OT today doing cupids job... cupids went on holiday to bali and got swept away by the tsunami waves. haha..

hey but qoooL i got my pay today and guess what?? it really sucks......... not even enought to whip my candy ass. thought of talking to her today but dono why cant see her today.... wah or may b she got valentine. wahahaha damn am i fucking crazy...... late for meeting ...... bla bla bla..... now i'm home... sulking like a kuku bandung..... thought of sleeping on the sofa tonight... after finishing some paperwork. yeah gotta try sleeping in the hall alone.... easy to wake up in the morning..... but then for past few days.... somethings are really bothering me.................. should i or should i not. either way i choose to go.... regret still fills me.........

loose some... gain some...

2005-02-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

weLL today is quite a fucked up day i could say. cors didnt get to go to sentosa with the other stardom com... werking mah... start at 12 but got there by 12.45.....shit 1hr pay gone just like that. but the pay's double cors i werk 2 shifts...wahahaha yahooo. quite tired really runnin here and there just to get the costomer satisfied. luckyly i didnt drop any plates..... or even glasses. but fuck i gave a lady a wrong order..... but i kept quiet all the way........ gosh was i damn tired. then after work i meet the usuall slackers at nee ann city... munching and laughing to fish n chips... really had a great time there, although we make the stage as our own privte relex area.

something felt kinda weird today... hopping she will be around town area... but she wasn't. who's she.... err... i also dont know..... i think i'm just thinking about shits...... craps........ useless thought. the best part is that my parents dont relly knw that i'm workin parttime. should i teLL? fuck.

Sum 41 - Pieces

2005-02-12T00:52:00.000+08:00

I tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it. I don't believe it makes me real. I thought it'd be easy but no one believes me. I meant all the things I said. If you'd believe it's in my soul, I'd say all the words that I know just to see if it would show. Now I'm trying to let you know that I'm better off on my own.
This place is so empty. My thoughts are so tempting. I don't know how it got so bad. Sometimes it's so crazy but nothing can save me but it's the only thing that I have. If you'd believe it's in my soul, I'd say all the words that I know just to see if it would show. Now I'm trying to let you know that I'm better off on my own.
I tried to be perfect, it just wasn't worth it. Nothing could ever be so wrong. It's hard to believe me. It never gets easy. I guess I knew that all along. If you'd believe it's in my soul, I'd say all the words that I know just to see if it would show. Now I'm trying to let you know that I'm better off on my own.

This song really tells a story...............BeeZeeDee's coooL

BEE BEE + POTATO CHIPS

2005-02-11T23:52:00.000+08:00

ok to day was shag cors yesterday was a day i could not forget..... last day of werk cheap ..... hard labor.... what can i expect boooom in my pay.... shuckzzz. body tired.... mind riot... but smiling my way to schooL. cors y the mama shop open mah, had tyme to buy bee bee n potatoe chips for her. realy owe her the chips for quite a while sey. weee had tyme to talk to her sey.... is this a start??? may be... but dont wanna think till that extent. i just wana be friends. trying my very best not to be like him.

lepak(releks) with yoga, kuda, tim n mus at tm.... for a while before split to go our own ways. the best part was... i overslept and went tu far east at 8pm... saw irwan at PS... lepak with him for a while... before going hmnow ppl are trying to figure our who she is..... what da...????.

Den again..... i'm blogging again before quite a dayz... since.

wahakz...

something's not right....

2005-02-07T13:45:00.000+08:00

WeLL today got to school a bit late because of some unforseen reasons....wzhahahaahahah yeah right!!! Came late for assembly..... went to have a burger and saw jack and china man..... azmi and sanjay. Had a chat with them about drama .... weLL not much info but i wiLL be acting as a hippy...cooooL. bla bla bla let me get to the chase here... saw her today..... looks a bit pissed off or stress.... OMG she really looks tired. kinda gutless to spark a conversation. ARH!!! damn it. yes arh..... another bzy day......

...from emo mullet to emo maRRRkLe....*sigh

2005-02-02T01:25:00.000+08:00

FARK..........PAK CIK DONO HOW TO CUT MY FARKING HAIR.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn you uncle.... emo mullet now turns to maRRkLe step.... thanks to the barber who cut my hair... now timefor an x trim make over... need some inplant of those big muscle.... hamsom quarterpounder face surgey... nice teeth to start a shining smile that could melt metal itself.... wahahaha what the fark am i typing about... But hey its kind off a new hair style to me....

HISTORY OF MY HAIR:

(hair cut that i had for the past 20 yrs)

1. G i 4

2. G i 4

3. G i 4

4. Trimed(shorten to length of bulus)

5. Slope

6. Slope (long)

7. Slope (high)

8. Slope (short)

9. Armani (short)

10. OverLapping (mat rock style)

11. G i (smart)---> dono where the heLL the barber got this style....

12. G i aka skin'Gadsby'head (my tyme during sc camp 7th batch) the proudest moment in my life for having that kinda hair style, 'BOTAK', some one did count the number off days of my hair growth.... ssheeeezzzz got info from some one, then i started styling it to looked like i spikie mohawk(i'LL try to put the pic up), the duration was from the day i became an sc member tiLL the day i took over from my seniors... kind off like 6 mths.

13. EmoMuLLet (just like joel of GC in their vids 'predictable')

14. EmoMaRRRkLe (ok tis one is fraked up... i wanna cut emomuLLet.. but the unkle cutted the wronger stylo... turns out to be EmoMaRRkLe... where the heLL did i cross that idea... YOGA....MY MOHAWK SEEEFOOO!!!!! APR`OO.... it means wats up in tamil slang... )

15. Future hairstyle... wiLL be mohawk.... some where before investiture n stardom... vampire style.....

.....tis wat hapens wen lasy 2 blog.....

2005-01-30T23:54:00.000+08:00

sunday 30th jan 2005

nothing exciting happens today. surpose tobe a family day. whereby the whole family to be at home or went out together. but shit happens... carry some stuff back from geylang. so much irritating incidents happens. yet my game face was on. the best part was when i ate dinner with my cosins at mac donald's. cerewet sey budak² ni sumer. had fun trying to communicate with amira.... tak abis² ngan dia punyer turtle ring. then watch lost world.... wah was it a family movie... cuit-cuit senario was wicked....ly hilarous........ damn i'm craving duudes.... any one got ciggies??? spare me one.... can??

saturday 29 jan 2005

yessss arh..... woke up late today... unappreciatedly dressed and manner of telling others that.......ITS SO DAMN MESSSSSSSSSYYYYYYY IN HERE......!!!!!! yet know one notice. frankly no one bother to do anything.... THANKS ARH.....

friday 28 jan 2005

come to school... mark attendence late... do project... try to understand connection of wires... eat breakfast... no PE... cdp learn some portal self learning porject... go hm... overslept in bus 72 aLL the way to ang mo kio... reach hm sleep for 5 min... got ready... went for interview... werk... go hm... sleep... what a great day today.!!!

Funny things happens..... Other than shit that is...

2005-01-25T23:01:00.000+08:00

arhh......... So sleepy morning I woke up to... The noise my mum was making before she went out for work. Luckily I got the initiative to drag myself up.... Wriggle around ... Pretend a fire broke out in my room... And yes my experiment prediction came true.... With a false alarm could wake me up to a directly out of bed experience... haha. Then again... wahahaha shhhh... Cant tell ya. Dragging my lazy legs down the stairs..... Then I realized something.... I'm craving for a ciggies..... Oh man the uncle walking beside me was puffin away.... Damn shit got no money... No job yet... Time table sucks... cashless pervert... balless creature.... Single bitch..... wahahaha that's lame...
I made eye contact woooohoooooooo................ Pity I got no guts...... I lost it during my early days..... FARK!!! Slept like a pig in sc room ALONE.... Then went home like a drunken arshole... Slept again in the bus..... Nearly missed a bustop. Fark the dude who's sitting in front of me.... FARKING LOUD MOUTH POSER!!! My day today has been filled with laziness.... Fark it... Kind of funny when I SMS came.......................arhhhhhhh I'm I ready yet? Ok go......

The start of a brand new week.....

2005-01-24T11:59:00.001+08:00

Ok today is Monday rite?.... Once again I missed my E-tech lesson. FARK!!! But luckily I got to school in time for machine lesson. Nothing much during practical lessons in lab. Just missed the brainpowerd triple-trio. Boring... Went down to canteen to buy a drink when I saw Libpia... awww didn't get eye contact with her... Luckily...If not gotta pull myself to get hold of her for my survey. Nothing much to say today...... MLM class was interesting.... Find a new way to do cartoon with flash MX..... stickman..... But something seams to be weird today..... Or should I say very weird... Can't make anything out of it.

my perfect school daze...

2005-01-23T23:41:00.000+08:00

gotta say I've to put more effort on this blog cors the other is history... weLL this week not much things had happen.... Just some minor hiccups here n there. Got some problems with the DnD, friends, family, totally everything has a problem.

Thursday 20....
On this day woke up late and rush to school with a sleepy face. Why? Because I didn't slept well the night before. Mona called me while I was in bus 72 snoring away. Luckily for me... I'm not the only one that's late for school. Met her in school & went in the class with our face maintaining the sleepy look. Some where while amithabacan was teaching... I some how fall a sleep. And when i woke up... i heard amithabacan said we could all packed up and go for our lunch. But the look on his face was a bit pissed. Shit... i missed the moments....
Then when for the Nee Ann Poly Open House. Was it so totally BORING!!! But some of us really made our visit there idling away rounding in and out of the hotspots. CCA's was coooLLL ..... hot girls in cheerleading outfits spreading away... wooohoooo..... the stunts, moves, acrobats.... wow just wish i could join'em one day. Its all about the chicks....

Friday 21.....

Didn't even go out...... just don't wanna talk aabout 2day...

Saturday 22...

A FUCKED UP MORNING

A FUCKED UP AFTERNOON

A FUCKED UP EVENING

A PEACEFUL NIGHT SLEEP......

Sunday 23.....

Boring day..... Didn't even step outside. Infront of the computer finishing my DnD stuff.....

And now on my way to a peacefuLL nite sleep....

....................Launched.....................

2005-01-20T07:48:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since my last entry...so.... not many things that are kept inside me not telling but yeah..... somethings do change. Got projects commin up, intensive studies time, workin parttime(hopfully got da job). Wow... I somehow felt that it was like just yesterday i went to serimbun sc camp. Time glide very fast...

OK.... stardom's out....... good news is that the the traditions are still runnning.... he bad news is that ....OH MY GOD!!!! STARDOM!!! LEAVE FORM.......!!! But hey... somebody has to do it.

Ok now the goooood news to ITE students... Dinner N Dance is approved by the management of ITE Central... YeAH... grinding chicks......woooohoooooo.... but damn its gonna be a hell of a ride dude N dudettes. Common ITE students SUPPORT ITE EVENTS.......... well itt seems like this blog will not be updated for quite a long time..................NOT!!... wahahaha.... tell u guys whats happinning in days...weeks...months...to come....

btw... should i ask her out.... ?? damn how dude.... i dont want to let u down ....i dont want to lead u on... i dont want to hold u back from where u might belong.....

[#@~To_Himself~@#]

2004-12-26T12:05:00.000+08:00

Now be for ever still,

Weary my heart. For the last cheat is dead,

I thought eternal. Dead. For us, I know

Not only the dear hope

Of being deluded gone, but the desire.

Rest still forever. You

Have beaten long enough. And to no purpose

Were all your stirrings; earth not worth your sighs

Boredom and bitterness

Is life ; and the rest, nothing; the world is dirt.

Lie quite now. Despair

For the lasttime. Fate granted to our kind

Only to dia. And now you may despise

Yourself, nature, the brate

Power which, hidden, or drains the common doom,

And all the immeasurable amptiness of things.

2004-12-24T02:19:00.000+08:00

Now everywhere I go. Everyone I meet. Every time I try to fall in love. They all want to know why I'm so broken. Why I am I so cold. Why I'm so hard inside. Why am I scared? What am I afraid of? I don't even know, this story's never had an end. I've been waiting. I've been searching. I've been hoping. I've been dreaming you would come back. But I know the ending of this story. Everywhere I go for the rest of my life. Everyone I love.Everyone I care about.They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me. And I know what it is....... What it is ... is right now!

2004-12-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

ATREYU LYRICS Bleeding Mascara A wraith with an angel's body A demon with a smile of gold You soulsucker I won't become like you I kill with the perfect weapons, crystal eyes, and a heart of coal You soulsucker I won't lose myself in you Look how pretty she is when she falls down Now there is no beauty in bleeding mascara Lip are quivering like a withering rose She's back again What the fuck do you think love means? It's much more than words and feelings sucking me dry Is my marrow that sweet? Your dead lovers have left a trail of broken hearts and misspent hopes Sucking them dry Does their marrow taste of sweetness, sweetness? I hope you choke

He Who Makes A Beast Of Himself, Gets Rid Of The Pain Of Being A Man!

When They Say Its Time, Then Its Time!

Official ”Slacker Day“ [NDS BLOGGING]

NDS BLOGGING ROUND 1 [testing]

i'm so not me....

the more the less

will return soon

THE near death experience...

bart men weeturrns!!!

Greedy...

i cried...

time

till now....

my vision....

aint got nothing..

AT LLAST...... SOMTHIN TO FILL MINE.....

Blues

i dont know................

yesterday/today/tomorrow.... burning day light....

something not me

the search is on.....

2nd?3rd?4th?5th?party.

Looks so different,

think.....ing....

the chapter where i sometimes hate to write.... getting a job!

Wish

Nearly over

junkie......

blogging again......

The start of a new day...............

i wanna thank my QD......................................

memories in ite

Landed At Changi Airport

At Chiang Kai-Shek Airport about to board

rollercoaster ride

reach the airport

before taking off from SIA

Friday

Time

memories in taiwan

Satisfied?

True story.... really!!!

*Taxi ride!*

2weeks... 2days... of life-time experiences

turnin 22........ I'm old...

My One & Only Latest Update hahaha

aku dah malas

lost completely lost

[IS THIS]My Second Home{COULD BE]

crazy differences between me and myself

is it worth it???

LEO MAN....................

kepalaku dah botak???

to be or not???

its been a long tyme....

chicken pox

is it the same old me??

freeeeeedom

edi murabak

shit....

pissed.....

mobile updates...

bah longlong

21 going on......

same old shit again....

Having a tyme of my life..........like dduh

Flickr

friends for ever???

for now, for never, for once, for better, for when...? FOR EVER........ huh?

puffable

dont do this to me

Like A Rose

tobbaccooo smoke burnin

my 50 bucks...

I Blew It

My Freaky Dream

a history made

I dont live my life for others

The Mark Of An Emotional Moment

the plan was simple............

Taxi ride!