He Who Makes A Beast Of Himself, Gets Rid Of The Pain
Of Being A Man!
Friday, November 24, 2006
Friday
Today i find peace in mind. Its been a while since i've found something to ease this occational pain in my heart. My mind then was a mess. But after thinking about it and having an anonymous persons point of view, it suddenly struck me to look forward to having a change. May be i'm an introvert, but because i just haven't got any clue how to talk it all out. For now i just have to let my faith be with him. Give me the courage to face this through. Give me the strength i need to even have what i cherish. Give us hope. For he is one and only.
Today will be the the day i must get myself over things. Thing it through before i start to judge. Try to option out possibilities. Think of the future. Althouh the past will tend to come back grabing us from the neck. I must learn to over come my anger. Sooner or later it will eat me up like cancer. Someone told me about neil armstrong's story. I don't have a clue. But the moral of the lecture was....... when you have to talk it out, talk it out. Don't keep it. The pain might eat you up without you knowing it. Then it will be too late. I need to change. Thats when i need all the help i could get from my love ones. It may take quite a while.
[it takes a split second to get angry, but how long does it takes for us to cool down]
I Spoke My
Heart At
10:19:00 PM 0 comments
Friday, November 17, 2006
Time
During my civilian life, I somtimes wonder what will happen to me when i step foot in army. Ever thought about that. After i read all my entries in this blog of mine, i noticed some thing that i didnt realised for the past 2 years. I'm beginning to change. Somewhat a knowledgable person, but on the otherhand i'm getting weak mentally. All i did then was extroverting everything i had in my mind, my heart to this blog with commons sense. I had to because its killing me internally. I smoke hard on ciggarettes to clear my mind on things that others thought are silly. Then i thought hard on becoming myself. I dint know what i was feeling until i'm introduced to blogging. Blogging Did help me then when i didnt have any one to talk to. I didnt want to. It was me being secretive of myself that make me an anti-social. Then i had discover a way to motivate myself and thats by talking to ....me. I wasnt sure what i wanted then cors life was preety slow and heavy. Filling my time on ciggies and observing poeple around me. Friends are like passerbys. Hi and Bye. Guess they would eventually know that i does exist but when on the other hand, i'm just a sub. i felt like i'm in my own world back then with ciggies. but eventually after blogging, i get to express what i have to express in words that i could see. let it out and leave it there. i saw myself improving.
Now, its worst than i had expected. I'm dumber. I think i'm getting stupi day by day. I felt like i'm in my own world doing stuff to perfecttion over and over agian.its like doing the same thing..... but on a different day. just like a schedule. spending my time away away from reality. its like a place i could call hotel california. its heaven in the darks of hell. th way i've been thinking are far much worst than then. i used to have fun to express my childyness, spoke english was not a problerm, think out off the box, laugh like an insane person. Now, i dont think of it, dont even have that much fire for fun. just look at what i put in my entries... all bunch off rubbish. even my english getting weak. My mind starting to block every single detail i was surpose to take note to. Its just kept on blank, blank, blank.Its like what ever comes in just came our just the way it went in. i think i'm loosing some of my mind. i'm no more mentally imuned to such viruses thats causing my brain to just stun. Its like switching channels with the volume mute. i guess i finally found the question i've been searching for.... i cant pretend nor can i be someone i ought to be. only time will tell.
as i gaze out to sea all i saw was empty open space..... fills with .... emptyness. calm but some times thundery weather. can u judge the sea... can u judge the ocean. judge..??? what about the wind. the light. the silence. I Spoke My
Heart At
2:45:00 AM 0 comments
"Its been long..... its been long since i had a ciggies. I should say quit now. Or not. It makes me feels like lighting up to a few but i just don't want to. May be its me... or may be its not me. i'm confused right now. What had we become. 'WE' the generation today. Some of us are getting smarter than our parents. Some of us are getting wilder than our elders. Some of us are getting stronger time by time, day by day, years by years. But then some of us are getting stupid my the minute.Some are getting weaker by physical or even mental. Must we acknoledge only from our emotions, our hearts, our feelings. Why?!? Should there be hatred in us. Why must there be negligence in our thoughts?!? Why must humans have no regard for others except themseves. Why must i think this way?!? Why do we have to suffer when the opposition stills stands proudly?!? Who are they?? They are just like me. Like us. Today we fall.... But tomorrow we shall bring distruction to the very end. Distruction worst than any disasters. Even in the mist, there will be voices, eyes, footsteps.... leading to no where? lEadIng to the very heart........"
During my civilian life, I somtimes wonder what will happen to me when i step foot in army. Ever thought about that. After i read all my entries in this blog of mine, i noticed some thing that i didnt realised for the past 2 years. I'm beginning to change. Somewhat a knowledgable person, but on the otherhand i'm getting weak mentally. All i did then was extroverting everything i had in my mind, my heart to this blog with commons sense. I had to because its killing me internally. I smoke hard on ciggarettes to clear my mind on things that others thought are silly. Then i thought hard on becoming myself. I dint know what i was feeling until i'm introduced to blogging. Blogging Did help me then when i didnt have any one to talk to. I didnt want to. It was me being secretive of myself that make me an anti-social. Then i had discover a way to motivate myself and thats by talking to ....me. I wasnt sure what i wanted then cors life was preety slow and heavy. Filling my time on ciggies and observing poeple around me. Friends are like passerbys. Hi and Bye. Guess they would eventually know that i does exist but when on the other hand, i'm just a sub. i felt like i'm in my own world back then with ciggies. but eventually after blogging, i get to express what i have to express in words that i could see. let it out and leave it there. i saw myself improving.
Now, its worst than i had expected. I'm dumber. I think i'm getting stupi day by day. I felt like i'm in my own world doing stuff to perfecttion over and over agian.its like doing the same thing..... but on a different day. just like a schedule. spending my time away away from reality. its like a place i could call hotel california. its heaven in the darks of hell. th way i've been thinking are far much worst than then. i used to have fun to express my childyness, spoke english was not a problerm, think out off the box, laugh like an insane person. Now, i dont think of it, dont even have that much fire for fun. just look at what i put in my entries... all bunch off rubbish. even my english getting weak. My mind starting to block every single detail i was surpose to take note to. Its just kept on blank, blank, blank.Its like what ever comes in just came our just the way it went in. i think i'm loosing some of my mind. i'm no more mentally imuned to such viruses thats causing my brain to just stun. Its like switching channels with the volume mute. i guess i finally found the question i've been searching for.... i cant pretend nor can i be someone i ought to be. only time will tell.
as i gaze out to sea all i saw was empty open space..... fills with .... emptyness. calm but some times thundery weather. can u judge the sea... can u judge the ocean. judge..??? what about the wind. the light. the silence.
