Q... U know i miss u right... i miss blogging... letting out the words in my mind... typing out using the crunchy keys fast enough u could pop a balloon... having that instant though and just lay it down... creating perfect words in sentances... leaving my thoughts to read it back with drifting emotional peace of mind... but lately having those thoughts in my mind is making me drift away in silence... lost the special touch in me to bad habits... may be in the past i was emo... but now im just lost... lost in reality... lost my way... who would want to listern to what i have to say.... to me, im just a walking contradiction... i dont even believe in myself anymore... not to mention trust... its like things i decides are just by a snapping finger... yet im not on sound mind to yet think about it... im so lost for words now and i dont know why... am i getting old... or is it my mind... yet cant think of the effort to persue... Q... i miss the old me... yet i dispise him... im lost... totally lost... really!
season greetings Q... how has it been? i know... its been long since. the past years have been such a good and bad experience for me. lost some... gain some. nevertheless experience gained.
Q, i would like to tell you a story of a boy... who had no plans for his future, met with some obsticles thru his journey. for him, life started when he completes his journey of compulsary service to his nation. he had no plan on his future life. so he decides to get a job, earn a living and pay his bills. he decides to sends his covers and testimonials to a number of potential employers, but a few replied to his effort. some were high expectation to recruit juniors but some needed experienced. endless waiting and searching, he lands a job in the trade industry. through out his nearly 5 years hardship against his peers and management, he managed to pull through with professionalism and patience. he learned a lot about work and life. being recognise by peers through out the different departments. but had some hiccups with some. develop new ideas but shunt by some. to him it has develop from a dream into a nightmare. as though every single day awaiting for some shit to happen. he finally gave up the fight and decides to move on by getting more external experiences. its finally time he get on his feet and explore the outside world. he decided. he left in peace. not burning bridges or grudges. now he's happy. looking forward to what he could achieve. personal achievments. his journey continue 3 months.... he waited and kept searching to be back earning a living. his funds was draining... getting lesser... and lesser... and lesser... time was running out. he decides to grab any oppotunities that comes in his way. finally he had two security oppotunity. he lands on one of them... flexibility. 6 months he need to complete his bond. it was havoc... non that he had expected. not such a good talker... now he have to talk. some customer service... another nightmare. but he likes the environment. he pulled through for 8 months... while he look for a better oppotunities. during this times of hardships... he fell in love. it was during his first full time job... during his duties... he was instructed to transport some documents onu his superior busy schedule. he was so kuku blur at first on who to deliver it to, so he ask a lady (a newly recruted receptionist in the office). with out even looking at him, she just point to an empty space beside the desk. that was like a a smack to the forehead. the point he started to a conversation or small talks was when started to regularly make trips to the office. small talks then began with a gifts and more small talks. soon exchanging messages... texting... till movies on a weekend. awkward moments soon become comfortable conversations. weekends was frequent. honest conversation. he was, on a date. a few dates soon become close relationships. in a relationship. it was gittering for him at first as he have no clue what will come out of it. of pass aquaintances experience. he rely on his gut feeling. there he was trying to be honest and true. didnt want to be like the new generation who are exposed too much to western culture... not to mention his. tried a little bit hard to be a gentleman. he tried. leaRning to be in not his comfort zone, he learn a few thing about growing up. learning about love and how it felt like being loved. he was a noob. hard decision to be made during this time had him thinking of the past. being thrown question about his grown up future and what his plans. he was stun. as he was trying to earn a living which is not even enough for his everyday expences, marrige was the only thing that he was unprepared for. stressed out of what lies ahead he decides to live with what he had. he reach his breaking point when he took up other job oppotunities which he could land in. being in a lesser stresses mode, relationship with his love become a little stagnent. due to fund drying... he decides on less spending more concentrating on earning. which lead to less time spending with his love ones. with a little more time thinking of what needs to be done to sustain his relationship. then the nightmare of every relationship begins. problems... crisis... unwanted words and constant explanation on mistakes and intentions. he then took a step back. trying his best to keep up whith the lost time to pursue an idea. an idea became stagnent just like his relationship.... soon he got lost along his way. loosing faith on his relationship... on his capability... on his ownself. breaking point. breakdown. lost his way. before he self destruct. he calls it.quits.
11th august 2013... he returns...
Hello Q... How u doin... Nice weather...
GUESS WHO'S BACK!
Life has been so fast pace lately. Can't get time for my self. The only time i have is only with u Q! Wow That sound so fetish. Gotta make full use out of ya. By the way Q is a laptop i bought for nearly 1 month of my untouched salary. I call it Qa'ilah, 'one that speaks'. Enough about Q. Lets talk about something else.
Ok, back to my boring life. Everyday is somewhat the same rutine. Just that it covers the same senarios with a little bit of fucked up people sometimes. Yes, thats' including me of cors. I know i'm a little fucked up sometimes. They called it alpha male 'EGO". We do have it, just need to let it show at the most right moments. Well every morning i wake up with this feeling that better things won't be comming my way if i dont act soon. Act what....?!? Find what I'm really interested in. Here are two things i'm yet to achieved. 1st - a commuting vehicle as a purpose of transportation. 2nd - get M.O.L to play local gigs so as to get the local experience before we label ourself as a local under ground BAND that fuckin rocks. Doesn't matter if our musics sucks. 3rd - Fly. And i mean really fly. Skydive. 4th - still able to sustain that monthly income as years gone by to pull myself through the financially tough time HERE in THE LION CITY. Oh wait did i say two, i mean hundred & one things i've yet to achieve. But still life is definetly a job because without working we ain't got money, without money we cannot achieve what we want to do. It'll always comes back to that dollar sign. Some times I just feel so used. At the end of the day used up my time and mind that i seldome have time to even plan my days ahead in order to be on track with the fast changing world. Always get stucked somewhere along the way. No wonder.
As you probably know, i just achieve my riding license a few months back. But yet to get a commuting bike as means of transport. Then again, somethings are much more important too such as housing payments need to top up, daily expenses, monthly contributions, personal needs, personal life savings..... bla bla bla..... and the list goes on. If not i could've had a bike which i trade to get myself a laptop 1st. Even so i didnt get to use it that much till as of now which time i'm free. And guess what ........ virus starting to circulate again & again.
Money... money money..... every day is all about money. Even when we go out or stay at home still uses money. Just that how we use it what i think is important. It seams that I somehow uses money like breathing air around me. Half of what ever I earn goes to my stomach & the rest goes seperately to which ever contribution that I wish to give. Even now I used up my money on my own entertainment. Please...!! Not personal pleasure.... just something i think is positive. For some reason or so I hope it fills me with something in life creative lesson.
Ok crap... crap... crap.... lets talk about some thing else. Lately I've been thinking about exploring. I mean you know going out experiencing life at it is. Like travelling out of the country, seeing the world, doing thing you didn't think of doing. Example like bungee, skydiving, seeing other culture in other country. Yup thought of doing all that. Ok let set a date. You know they talk about it, went on it & came back with stories so motivating. I do think i wanna join in. Make a first step to a brand new day. First step to feel free for a moment. Its not everyday we get to do all these things. But just dont talk about it. Live it. I think it almost time for me to live life. Face the fear of fear itself. WE control freedom. WE also must control fear. *sigh* Fear to me is a big word to face. So its a start. WE Q i think its time for me tell you that a change of environment it needed to a more discovery of myself. Leave you with the stories. They are better read than told. I Spoke My Heart At 2:58:00 PM 0 comments
Due to sleeping like 3hrs & 30mins, now i'm getting dizzy sleepyness. Felt my eyes shuting down but my hands moving anymin.
Now i'm so need to sleep I Spoke My Heart At 7:32:00 PM 0 comments
