He Who Makes A Beast Of Himself, Gets Rid Of The Pain
Of Being A Man!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
for now, for never, for once, for better, for when...? FOR EVER........ huh?
This may offend anyone in any way.... but hell yeah i'm blogging it out anyway. Once a person ask..... me, "zul have you ever..... er..... have u ever... had someone special.... ??"
Yeah... they catches my eye everytime. But What is there to be done... Had my chances. Didnt took it. My loss. Others gain. Well to me its just a lesson to learn... Or may be its just not me.... hahahah i'm turning ito my dad.... fuck... hahaha That was the memories..... dont wanna live it up again.... buryying my memories... building a new shelter for me... and only me to live in... until i understand and basically live my life as i want to... not to copy what others do... not to liv to others expectation. My expectation is to proof my self that i can doit with out others help... with out others symphatatic faces. ulor.... ulor... hahaha i'm at the verge or breaking down... yet trying to understand way am i like this... to emo may be... yeah.. so! to anti-social... may be...so!! too sticking to my self ofthen... so!~!! why am i crying... trying to understand y? why am i smoking when its bad for my health... ? why i kept silent when i knew its painfukll??? kill me deep inside...? hahahaha crazy fella...YET!!! to me its just a point to discover me... me..ME!!! there may be limits. i may fail and fall to what i'm doing or buiding... BUT... would i learn from it... suffer... suffer... stressed....stressed... feeling down.. i wanna feel that... feel it... be a victim of hatred. be a victim of everything... abused!! HELL YEAH! feel it..... feel it through ur vains... through ur blood.... trough ur hearts.... can't put it in words?? ..... burn it!!! arhhhhh.... oh feel how i'm feeling it right now... fuh... now i know how the adrenaline rush fells when a person slit its wrist.... haaaa.... melted wax are just an ant bite. hot melted glue are a bit hotter... but feeling the burn cigereetes pressing down on ur arm.... yeah... feeling how abused .... now i understand way they doit... the feeling that they felt its not about they like it... but to express somthing that they cant have the guts to share... or tell others... being the minority... feeling thats they were not being paid attention to... thats why paarents now adays must know their child to judge from. everybody are not the same u know. the life thtas being living now a days has change its cors. prepare to sail the waves.
As for me... i'm still cool... the days of self abuse are not really gone but... its just for me to understand why... why does it makes me feel to do it... whats my problem... to me the best way is to talk to ur self and discover it in a positive way that is..... START TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU LOVE SOME ONE...
ps: jen.... hehhe sorry for my broken english...hope u understand... regards to u & friends down at bedok..
I Spoke My
Heart At
4:07:00 PM
